The Trials of Being Loved

Part 17 - Move IT, Polar Bear!

Startled, New met his eyes. Although he rarely had a conversation during sex, he needed to find out why Tay sounded sad. "Isn't that what I'm doing?"

"Yeah, but you don't unless it's to give me pleasure. Just hold ON to me instead of the sheets. I can take anything you do, babe." He sounded so earnest, New smiled.

"I must have held on to you at some other time? Not just when you asked..." New's voice faded at the look on Tay's face.

"Not once!" Tay was loosing interest in having sex. New didn't want to touch him, only wanted to use him to slake his needs. Not once had it occurred to him that he was doing the same thing, just in reverse. HE PUT HIS NEEDS ASIDE FOR NEW! "Not even one time. That was the first time you touched me outside of kissing or giving me head and I had to ask you."

"It can't be!" The mood had changed over this silly topic. Tay flopped on to his back, well away from New.

"Think it over, and then tell me I'm wrong." On this, he stood firm. New sighed, Tay's arm was over his eyes already, blocking his sight. He had no choice but to reflect.

He couldn't be in bed with a naked man he wanted, who was refusing him and think! That was damn near torture after being aroused. His body still sang. It was too much of a roller coaster day. Fuck you, Tay Tawan, I'm not repenting or reflecting! I'll take care of it myself!

He stood off the to the side of the bed and began to stroke, deciding quick and dirty was the way to go. But all that happened was he got harder and harder. Pent up and frustrated, he opened his closed eyes to see Tay watching.

"Is that better than admitting you're afraid you'll get hurt?" To New's fragile mind, it sounded not just bitter, but also disgusting. 

New spun to leave but Tay was faster. He pushed New back on the bed. As Tay did so, he brushed against Newwie's engorged cock, causing him to moan loudly. There was more than one thing he had to admit too, and all of it was demeaning.

"I really hate you!" New screamed, as waves of pleasure burst through his body.

"I don't think you do, Newwie." Tay shook his head and teased his body again, realizing it was fear that kept him still. "I think I understand now." He gave one more light caress to his cock, rubbing the pre-cum over the shaft. "But I'm not touching you again until we're actually equals. We need to talk about what is right for us."

He bent over and dropped a light kiss on his forehead. "I'll hold you safely during your nightmares, I'll make you breakfast, I will always be there for you, to take you to the highest spot and hold you while you come down, but it's because," He sighed, and continued, "Because I love you. But I will NOT be used, Newwie."

He crawled back into bed, careful of New who hadn't responded or moved. He rolled into his usual position and waited, seeing what he would do. He was half asleep and too lazy to open his eyes when the bed finally moved.

He heard the bedroom door open and close, heard the water run and then felt the bed move again. He was almost in a full sleep when New gathered him tightly into his arms. Well, this is nice, as he snuggled deeper.

New sighed. His fucked up brain was at it again. He didn't like it. Not one bit that Tay had pointed out even more flaws. He didn't know he was making Tay feel bad about sex! He didn't know his illness was something you could pass to someone else!

Waves of anxiety flowed through him, almost causing another panic attack. He fought the tightening of his chest by breathing deeply and evenly. He'd known he was in a depressive state since before he screwed up with the mistake posting the picture to the wrong account.