Heartbreak | ✓

first draft | the making of heartbreak

a/n

Hello cuties! I hope all of you are in good health.
Just wanted to drop by and let you guys have a glimpse into how I had initially planned on writing this book.

It wasn't supposed to be a micro novel, rather an actual story. This was one of the very first drafts that I had structured out before I began writing this book.

I posted this on my Instagram page @xxflawfully_amazynxx and a few of you texted me requesting to post it in the book! So here I am. (i.e pardon my ridiculous self promotion, but do drop by my profile ;))

Anyways! Do let me know how you liked it.

Happy Reading

~ flawfully

•••

I saw you light up your first cigarette
with trembling hands as you
breathed out into the winter day.
Your lips quivered and your eyes had watered as you placed the
cancer stick inbetween your
fevered yet sinless lips.
You broke out choking the
very next second as your pale cheeks
puffed up, the result of the toxic intake.
Yet, you continued. You didn't stop.

I often found myself wondering why
you did not stop that day.
why you didn't relent even when you
knew it was breaking you.
But, overtime I realised.
You were a puppet at the hands of
vile creatures in sheep's skin.
You were a mere pawn
at the cruel game which society played.

I saw you scatter bit by bit like the
ashes from the cigarette you had
grown accustomed to lighting every evening.
I saw you paint yourself in
black and white.
I saw you feign
stiff smiles and dead eyes.
I saw you crying yourself to shards
under the same tree everyday with a
cigarette in hand.

Was it all worth it, my love?
You were finally blending in but why
weren't you happy?
How many more bridges were you
going to burn?
How many more cigarettes were you going to light?
How many more tears where you going to shed?
It was killing you wasn't it?
Was all this the cost of your happiness?Was all this enough?

I saw you get caught in the fingers of
numerous deplorable boys.
Like a fish caught in net.
You struggled for freedom,
but you were too caught up in this
nasty trap, weren't you?

The worst part was
you only wanted love.
You only wanted love,
even though you knew,
all you would get at the end
will be regret and heartbreak.

Dear beloved,
I always wondered. That's what I did.
I was a cowardly spectator to your life
that was falling apart right before
my eyes.
I have my regrets.
I sometimes find myself thinking,
did I ever have the possibility of
saving you?
But, as they say it is impossible to
save the damned.
You told me so yourself,
didn't you?
You had crossed the line beyond saving.

Among my many regrets are things
I had always wanted to tell you.
Yes, perhaps I couldn't save you.
But, one thing I could've
done was tried. I didn't.

I wanted to tell you,
your eyes reminded
me of honey swirls
and I could get drunk off them
even faster than the
strongest of whiskies.
I wanted to tell you,
your lips were comparable to the
most delectable strawberries.
I wanted to tell you,
your sun-kissed skin was perfect.
More than perfect.
I wanted to tell you,
you were the most colourful
little being to be ever created.

You didn't have to change, my love.
You didn't have to blend.
God makes no mistakes, my love.
Why did you think he would
make you any less perfect?

If I could I would have
kissed your scars away and
hugged you till you realised that
you were the only thing that mattered,
but I was a coward.
A bastard who
resorted to spinelessness.

And I fairly earned what I deserved. The rightful heartbreak that bled into my soul till death.

~ the spectator of your destruction

•••