Alice Windsor | BRF Story

14.

The scream echoed through the open fields of the grand estate, announcing to everyone that could hear that there was a mother who had lost her child. A child she hadn't planned on having; a child who Alice barely saw every year; a child who didn't even remember that Alice was the one who carried him through the nine hellish months of pregnancy. A child that Alice had never had the chance to get to know because she was her mother's daughter, because she was a princess of the blood royal. 

As her scream echoed through the estate, and everyone close enough to where they were heard the pain that that screamed carried with it, Charles kneeled down next to his daughter and held her close. He held her like she was still a young girl in need of protection from the cruel world, because deep down she was; Alice needed her father, brothers and stepmother, she needed the protection only a family could provide to someone. And Charles knew that, and he would hold Alice, his little Lily, for as long as he was possibly able to. Alice was Charles' pride and joy and seeing her breaking was the last thing he wanted. 

Alice broke, cried, sobbed and screamed for all the things she lost, all the moments, past and future, that she would never have with her first child. She broke for not being there when he took his first steps at 8 months old; she broke for not being there when he said his first "mama"; and she broke for not being the one to have taken him to his first day of school. She cried for the moments she would never be able to witness; she cried because she would never be able to see him starting secondary school; she cried because she would never be able to see him with his first romantic partner; and she cried because her son would never have the chance to become the wonderful human being Alice was sure he was destined to become. 

It seemed like an eternity when Alice's sobs stopped and she looked up at her father, unable to express any of the emotions she was actually feeling at that moment. But she knew she couldn't stay there, she knew she couldn't let that stop her, because if she let it Alice wasn't sure she was able to continue with her life; she would just stay frozen in place, lost in the grief of the loss of her child. 

So she said goodbye to her father and stepmother, hugging both of them tight and walked out to her car; she let one of POs drive her back because she knew she wouldn't be able to pay attention to the road and she wasn't going to put other people in danger for her stubbornness. She had an engagement that evening, a gala for the English National Opera, one of Alice's patronages, and although she wasn't particularly in the mood to make small talk and listen to people patronising her throughout the whole evening, it was a small distraction from the pain she was feeling. 

Alice smiled and waved to the waiting press and people outside the London Coliseum, putting on a brave face before facing the hundreds of waiting people inside the theatre. Alice met with the director and almost all of the cast that would be performing that evening, before making rounds to greet and be introduced to everyone. It was only a few minutes before they were set to walk into the theatre that a familiar figure approached her and the director. 

"Your Royal Highness."

"Marquess, wonderful to see you. And we're very happy you were able to come." 

"The pleasure and happiness is mine. However, I do pass my father's apologies for not coming. He wasn't feeling very well this afternoon and decided to rest." 

The director and Edward talk for a few minutes before the director excuses himself in order to prepare the Royal Box for Alice. 

"Is your father feeling well?" 

"Yes, he just had a headache this afternoon, and honestly I'm not sure he wanted to travel to London during the evening." 

Alice nods and looks away, looking at everyone who was now making their way inside the theatre.

"He was looking forward to seeing you, though."

"And I him, although I didn't know he would be coming."

"You should come and visit at Clare Hall, he would be very happy to host you." 

"I think I will." 

They were silent for what felt like forever before Edward turned to Alice once more, sensing that something was bothering her. 

"Is everything okay, Alice?" 

"Of course. Of course everything is okay, Edward."

There was pain in her voice and she was trying her best to keep her eyes lowered so the Marquess wouldn't notice the pool of tears already present in her eyes.

"You know you can trust me, Alice. And I know when something is not okay with you." 

"Your Royal Highness, Marquess, the Royal Box is ready." 

"Thank you." 

Alice smiled at the director and walked beside him, leaving Edward just a few steps behind before he was also whisked away by someone else and into the box beside the Royal Box. Alice couldn't bring herself to look at Edward through the whole evening, and when it came time to say goodbye she was kind and short, simply saying goodbye before walking away, knowing full well she would cry in the backseat of the black car as she was driven back home.