Karev's heart beats

2) being selfish

The repetitive monotones beeping of the machine reminds me she's alive and watching as her chest rises and falls gives me comfort. She lay there broken beaten and bruised no thanks to me or the snickering people who have walked by her room.

The worst part wasn't finding her cold alone and on the brink of death. No. It was reading her medical history, it was seeing the cigarette burns upon her skin it was seeing the shrapnel scars upon her back.

We called her queeny to insult her to show her how she's so oblivious to life's pains when in reality her herself has suffered maybe more than any of us. And wha5 did we do? We contributed to that pain.

She hasn't moved in five days not a twitch and my heart aches for her.

A soft nock at the door diverts my attention and there stands Meredith with no sympathy in her eyes. "What do you want" my voice comes out rough from lack of use, as I take queens hand to my lip stroking it gently with my thumb.

"I need you" Meredith says simply.

"Yeah well, I'm a little busy right now mer" I reply without even looking at her too scared that if I look away she will slip from my grasp.

"Dereks becoming chief of surgery" she continues as if I hadn't spoken causing me a I mumble 'not right now grey' but yet again she chose to ignore me. "What will this do to our relationship I mean will he even have time for me.?" She asks without really caring for an answer.

"Shut up" I sigh rocking slightly as my eyes begin to fill with tears, but again she continues.

"I mean it's hard enough now what with-" but I can't take it finally releasing queens hand I angrily stand and scream as hard as my lungs will allow my face turning reader with rage as each word leaves my lips.

"Shut up! Not everything is about you Meredith. God, for one moment in your life just shut up and open your eyes and smell the bullshit!" She stops looking at me face full of confusion but no remorse hands dropping to her side.

"What has gotten into you" she huffs.

"You! This hospital! Everything" my anger does not subside. "You Wanna Be A Mess, Be A Mess. I Don't Care, I Can Take It but for the love of god take a break" she looks at me unmoving

"You're an asshole" she says as tears begin falling down her cheeks.

"I Know I'm Being An Ass I Can't Help It. I'm PissEd Off, All The Time, So Much I Can't Even Breathe" my own tears refuse to fall I won't let them. "How is it fair that I get to breath when she has a tube shoved down her throat". Meredith goes to speak to defend herself or simply joust to turn the attention back on her when a small noise is heard one of chocking.

Turning behind me I see her gorgeous brown eyes wide and starring at me and i rush to her side angry at Meredith I wasn't there when she awoke yet relieved she did so all the same.

"It's ok I'm gonna get this out of you" I say carefully grabbing onto the tube to witch she nods slightly. "Breath out" I say a tear finally falling loose.

She coughed and spluttered her cheeks red and tears dampening her face. Dampening her cheeks I turn her to my pulling her to my chest as I lay beside her on the small bed most likely scaring her with my sudden one eighth mood.

"It's ok your ok"  I say running her hair through my fingers as her sobs echos the room 'please no' she murmurs again and again causing me to look her in the eyes through tears.  "What wrong what the matter" I say frantically. Not caring that Meredith stands In the room.

"I woke up" she says through sobs.

"You ain't leaving me you hear that" I say looking her in the eyes still and shaking her softly "your stuck with me now and that means you can't leave me, I'm being selfish I know but if that's what it takes then so be it. You woke up and I am so proud of you that you did" and there we sit in a cold hospital room now alone our sobs the only sound here.