want to want you (Casualty)

24

Lola lay in bed next to cal. He looked to her and smiled. He could see that she was distracted and he knew that things hadn't been the same since she lost Gracie and he hated it. He hated that she lost her child and how down she had been and he hated how he couldn't help her through this and couldn't help her get any better

"are you okay" cal asked as Lola looked to him and smiled

"hmm...yeah I'm fine" Lola said as cal looked to her and nodded. He knew that she was far from fine

"I know your not lo. I know that your are thinking over Gracie and i know that you think of her every second on the day and I know no one went through what you did the baby you were carrying died and it sucks but I want to help you. I want to help you grieve and maybe help you be happy again if I can" cal said as Lola looked to him and sighed

"I don't think I'll ever be happy again cal" Lola said as cal looked to her and smiled. He felt his heart break as he heart her say that "then let me try" cal said as she looked to him and frowned

"how?" "How about we have a memorial for her I know it won't bring her back but it could give you some closure and help you grieve otherwise you could be looking at another suicide attempt and I don't want to loose you" cal said as she looked to him and smiled as she leant in and kissed him

"that sounds great" Lola said    

***
Lola got to work and stood in the staffroom. She looked to see Mia as she walked in and smiled

"hey" Mia said as Lola smiled

"where's little miss" Lola asked "Iain is showing her off. I am glad that you are here. I wanted to talk to you over something and you can say no if you want with all that you have been through and how hard it would be for you" Mia said as Lola looked to her and frowned

"what is it"

"I was wondering well Iain and I were wondering if you'd like to be darcie godmother. You don't have to I know it couldn't be hard after Gracie" Mia said as Lola looked to her and smiled

"no I'd love to. Gracie is hard and it's hard to except but darcie is her half sister and my best friends baby. As complicated as it is I'd love to be her godmother and cal is trying to help but through loosing Gracie. He is scared I will try and commit suicide again and it made me realise how much he loves me and I don't want to do that to him. I want to get better" Lola said as Mia looked to her and smiled

"you will it will take time that all I mean the child you carried died it's hard to accept" Mia said as Lola looked to her and smiled

***
Charlie stood by reception as he looked to Lola as she stood with cal. He looked to her and sighed.

He knew that she was still his baby girl and how she had been through a lot and he knew how he just wanted to be there for her and it worried him as he could she how withdrawn she was but could Charlie help Lola knowing that his daughter was breaking and how she was trying to be so strong for everyone around her.

Charlie knew her and he knew when she was pretending to be go but he knew he was going to sit back and wait for her to try and take her own life again