In Halls

Bastards

"Well, now I definitely have to come. Plant murder and double crossing flatmates? There's something rotten in the state of Ellen's Halls and you need Sophie to come and sort it out."

***

When I got off the phone to Sophie, I was overdue for some lunch. We'd been out again last night. It had been an awkward night, for me at least, dodging around the group to keep as far as possible from Christopher whilst trying to maintain an air of indifference. Now, though, the flat was quiet and I could be fairly sure that everyone else would still be in bed. Shoving my feet into my slippers, I debated internally whether to text Callum. Sophie's parting advice had been that I should give it a try. Well, it had been more of a demand.

"Girl, how many hints does a guy have to give you? He gave you his number, he practically asked you out in the street..."

"But I haven't read the book yet."

"This is not about the goddamn book!"

I opened a messaging app and tapped in his number. It would be easy. I could just say Hey, this is Ellen, it was so nice to bump into you the other day. Guess what? I got the job!

Simple. Or I could say something about the books.

Hey, it's Ellen, it was good to see you the other day, did you finish the classic for this month yet? The ending was heartbreaking!

Or

Hey, it's Ellen, just letting you know that I won't be coming to book club next week because I'm too mortified by the prospect of talking to you again and realising that you're not actually interested in me.

Clearly not a decision I should be making on an empty stomach. I wandered down to the kitchen to make myself a sandwich. Surprisingly, Ed was in there, looking a little sleep-ruffled, frying off some kind of scrambled egg thing. It looked a bit grim, but it smelled amazing.

"Good day to you," he said with mock formality. "How's things? How was your interview? I didn't get the chance to ask last night."

Because he'd been too busy spilling shots of fluorescent coloured alcohol across the table, swapping them with Ben, one of the other guys on our lab bench, who did not know how to hold a drink. At least it looked like Ed had had a clean up this morning. Only an unfortunate smell of alcopops lingered.

"It was great, actually," I said, pulling a plate out of the cupboard. "I got the job."

Ed congratulated me as I rooted around in the fridge, extracting my butter and the last leftovers from the roast. If there was roast veg in the sandwich, that made it slightly less of a cop out meal, right?

I set out a plate on a less grimy corner of kitchen counter, and Ed's phone alerted as I scraped butter over my bread. He pulled it out, frowning at the screen.

"Voicemail," he said. "I didn't even hear it ring. Who leaves voicemail these days?"

He dialled the number and put it on speaker phone so that he could keep on cooking. I stuck my leftovers in the microwave, since a hot sandwich would feel even more like a proper meal.

"You have one new message..." announced the woman's voice, and then it was a different woman's voice.

"You're a fucking stuck up bastard," she said. She sounded more than a little cross. Background music and a noisy conversation played out behind her message. "You're just... an utter turd. I hate you. You and your little bitch of a girlfriend. I never want to hear from you ever again."

I stood gawping at Ed's phone. He raised an eyebrow at me.

"Sorry you had to hear that," he said, deleting the message and tucking the phone in the pocket of his jeans.

"Aren't you going to answer that?" I asked, trying to control my shock. I wondered who this girl was. From last night? I'd left early with Elizabeth, who'd been a bit too drunk and emotional. Ed had already gone off on his own by that point, and Christopher had apparently given up on his gentlemanly offers to escort us home. That had suited me. So I had to guess that Ed had picked this girl up some time around then. And I didn't even want to know about who this girlfriend was, because that would make me complicit in Ed's cheating behaviour.

"Didn't you hear her?" he replied. "She said she never wants to hear from me ever again."

"But still..." I tried not to sound too incredulous. Of course Ed wouldn't know the first thing about when to call a girl back. I was surprised he'd even given her his number, in fairness.

Ed shrugged.

"I spoke to her this morning. I told her I was interested in someone else, she wasn't thrilled but she didn't seem surprised. Now, she's gone out, she's with friends who are telling her I'm a dick, she's got all worked up, what benefit could there possibly be to me ringing her up, given that I still don't want to go out with her?"

Heartless bastard.

"Okay, okay." I threw up my hands. "Why the hell did you tell her there was someone else? That only makes it ten times worse."

I pulled my dish out of the microwave and shut the door firmly, as though the noise of it could convey my disapproval.

"Does it?"

I gave him my best don't be such an idiot look, scooping the hot roast vegetables onto my bread. I'd been planning to eat in the kitchen, but now all I wanted was to get away from this cad as soon as I could.

"It only makes it ten times more final. If I told her I wasn't really into her, it would be a shitty line. If I told her I didn't want to date right now, she'd think I might want to date another time. Whereas now," Ed said, in a self-satisfied tone, "she thinks I'm a cheating bastard that she doesn't even want to date, and half of her annoyance is diverted from me towards my hypothetical girlfriend."

I glowered at Ed. It sounded like he'd put far too much thought into this sequence of events. With his style of behaviour, he probably had to. It couldn't be the first time he'd pulled this trick. Sleazy git.

"And what about that girlfriend?" I asked. Poor girl.

"What about her?" said Ed.

"Does she even exist?" I asked, in exasperation.

"No comment," said Ed with a mischievous smile.

I grabbed my cutlery and left the kitchen in disgust.