I CAN , WITH or withOUT U

Chapter 1

Tsubaki pov
I watch as they laugh together, full of happiness in their eyes. I bit my lip, im really trying to stop this stupid tears. I don't want to present myself like a mess because both of them know me so well i cant hide anything from them. Eh am tasting blood. I reached for my lips and saw blood. I bit too hard tsch stupped.

I cant i just really cant go near them. Turning my back walking down the stairs turning to a corner reaching our classroom. I hurrily took my bag and heading to the door i noticed someone.
Wearing his uniform for soccer i saw Watari.

"Yo" he said with a wave of his hand.
"Hi" i said keeping my wyes out of his because he will notice.
"Saw yu at the rooftop why didnt yu join them?"

Ugh yu know why Watari why bother asking? I could strangle yu to death if only theres no other students tsch.

"Errrmmm im just too tired of our practice i guess i just want to ya know sleep. Wats up anyway? Why didnt yu join them since yu said yu saw me at the rooftop?" i reasoned and started walking on the hallway leading to the exit.
"Well i did say hi to them but i have some matters to deal at home rightnow" i catched a glimpse of his eyes and they're dull, like lifeless.

Now that i mentioned it i do remember him having a crush on Kaori. Guessing weve got the same situation here.

"Hey watari i want to talk about somethin"
I told him in a serious tone cause he is a very jolly person sometimes yu cant talk with him seriously.
"I know tsubaki. I know. Lets go somewhere we can talk about it more privately." He said and giving me a genuine smile that made me light for a bit. I nodded in agreement and went by the beach near our school and house.

Its getting a bit dark but its fine mom wont look for me cause i texted her im with watari. I didn't mention the beach because she will question about that. We passed by a convenience store and bought some goods to eat while having our walk to the beach. I don't wanna talk right now because we agreed to start talkin when were at the coast. Its getting pretty chilly here now.

I looked at his back since he's walking ahead of me. He's got a bit muscle on his legs cause of soccer and some dirt on his hair though cant really be seen cause his hair is colored brown. He's a jock like me and those too are musician so frail but still strong.

We reached our destination. My heart is racing so fast its ringing in my ears. I sat down not bothering about the wet sand.
Ima start it because i want to. I dont care i wanna go first.

"Watari i love Kousei. Yu know that right? I know yu know it cause your keen and know me so well. I just want to let this feeling out.." Tears started runnjng down my face.
"I dont even need answers i just want this heavy feeling out of me. Its so heavy its weighing me down. I cant i cant be stable when im seeing themm" i trembled as i speak.
"I love him, but he doesn't love melike the way i love him. Wats the problem with me? Nah Watari?! Is there wrong with me?I was there for him the whole time but i guess i just did nothing unlike Kaori. In just a few weeks she made him change and enjoy life. What was i doing this past years?!ughh"my eyes like a fountain. I tried to wipe it away with my sleeves.
" neh watari kousei said that he found out that kaori is sick this day is the last time before shes gonna be admitted to the hospital and be preparing for surgery. Im telling yu this because i want her to survive her surgery because without her kousei will come back to the way he used to be and i also dont want that." Yeah shes gonna do the surgery and it will be success because its her. Im dont hate her so much for me to curse or wish her death. The problem is just me i guess. That leads to my own conclussion and its a final one.

I looked at the distance. Wind rushing through my face. I looked up to the sky and found jewels shining so bright plastered on it.

"Watari our highscool is near done. I decided i will leave. My parents said that there are things that they have to do at overseas. Watari yu can call me a coward but i will run away from this pain. Its not appropriate but i will tell my goodbyes to all of yu guys. I will run from this pain."
I confessed at him. I dont want to see his expression. I know what hes thinkin.