Ultraviolence -Damiano David

19

"I can explain. . . it's not what you think. . . "
Ethan tries to explain to him in his panic. I don't know what I can do and I don't think I can do anything.
I've kept it inside me for years now, I had to expect that somehow he would learn it.
Victoria who is behind Damiano approaches me giving me a hug of support, but I don't react.

I look at Damiano across from me, waiting to see his next move.
His eyes gleam, his gaze falls on mine.

We look at each other without knowing what he is feeling and what he might be thinking at this moment.

"You were my best friend, how could you do this to me?"
His voice comes out low, almost breaking.
He looks at Ethan, who hasn't found the strength to look him in the eye.

"You knew it?"
It's directed at me and I know I can't lie anymore.
"Yes. . . i know it for four years now. "
I hold back my tears that once again make their appearance.
I know he hates me now. I know I hurt him one more time.

"That's why you left?"

"It's one of the reasons I left. I didn't want to be the cause of your friendship breaking up in any way. "

I explain to him as I watch him clench his hands into fists, out of his nerves.
I can see his chest rising and falling rapidly and his mouth tightening.

Without waiting a split second, the man I'm in love with lunges wildly at Ethan.

My heart clenches as I scream in fear.

"I'm gonna kill you. "
Damiano tells him before pushing Ethan back hard.

"Guys please stop. We have to continue the concert. It's not time to talk about all this. "

Victoria pulls Damiano back as she tries to calm him down.

"You can go, it's getting wild here okay?"
Victoria advises me and I shake my head positively in response.

I look at Damiano one last time before he throws the black jacket off him angrily and leaves.

"What happened? I was looking for you!"
Bella asks me running towards me, she looks at me questioningly without looking at me questioning without knowing what has happened and I look at her without knowing what to say.

"We have to go. I'm gonna explain everything later. "

[. . . ]

"Have a nice day, okay?"

I say to John, before he leaves.
He hugs me and I feel a lot of guilt, I keep secrets from him. I betray him more and more every day, it seems inconceivable to me that I still manage to look him in the eye.

I know that normally I should have left, break up with  him because he doesn't deserve me but something inside me stops me.

The door closes and his form disappears with me letting out a breath of relief.

Before I can do anything more, the bell rings again.

"Did you forget som- What are you doing here? Are you crazy?"

Opening the door I was sure John had simply forgotten something, but the person I saw in front of me surprised me.

My heart races at the thought that John could have seen him.

"Aren't you going to ask me in?"

He asks wryly and I huff and puff and open the door wider for him to come in.

When I close the door behind me he has already sat on the couch comfortably without any explanation making me even more angry.

"What if John saw you here? Have you lost your mind?"

"Don't worry love, I waited hidden until he left. "

I'm skipping over the "love" he called me and many questions are plaguing my mind right now.

"Damiano, what do you want?"

"You. I want you. "

Under other circumstances my heart would flutter but all I do now is laugh.

"Of course you want me. That's why Giorgia was at the concert last night, huh? I'm sure you've made up. "

He quickly stands up angrily towards me and I step back.

"I don't know why she fucking came. I didn't talk to her, I was busy thinking about you and how my best friend wants you. "

My heart stops the closer he gets to me but I am determined to hold on.

"Did you talk to him after all that?"

"No, i'm never gonna talk to him again. He was one of the reasons that i lost you. "

His words make me vulnerable and I don't want that in any way.

"I'm sorry. "
I just manage to say.

His lips land on mine without my expecting it and his hands grip my head.
At first I stay still but then I let myself go to him.

I wish he knew how much I wanted him.

"Leave him. Just leave him and come with me. "

I hear him say and I am silent.
He looks at me waiting for an answer that will define my whole life but I don't know what to answer.

Once again I find myself confused.

___________

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