I'll Share With You My Heartbeat

ten

__________

"Saw you today."

Those were the last words Kieran expected to leave Autumn's mouth. "Huh?"

"I saw you," his friend repeated, sitting on the ledge next to the ravenhead, "At the bar across town today."

Kieran's lips parted in an oh. So that's what the flash of gold he saw— Autumn. "What were you doing at the bar?"

They dodged the question. "I saw you with that boy."

Kieran prepared himself for an onslaught of teasing, but it never came. "His name's Lennon," he reminded, "And yeah, I was with him."

"Why?"

The ravenhead planted his hands on his knees as a gust of wind breezed past them. "Why not?"

Autumn looked at him like he had grown a second head. "I thought you despised humans."

"And I thought you wanted me to go talk to him."

"I did," they confirmed, wrapping their cape more smugly around them, "But you've gotten your information and you've been to the theater."

Kieran hated that he didn't know where this conversation was headed. "So? Maybe I can get more clues out of him."

"Oh Kieran, please," Autumn said disapprovingly, crossing their legs, "I saw the way you were acting around him. That wasn't collecting resources. That was flirting." They gnawed on the inside of their cheek.

"I wasn't flirting," the ravenhead protested, bolting upright. He didn't understand the reasoning behind the disappointment Autumn was expressing. "You were the one who urged me to go interact with him."

"I was half-joking."

"Half."

"I didn't expect you to take it this far."

"Take it this far?" Kieran questioned, a silver of annoyance slipping into his voice, "You say that like I've committed a crime or something."

"Kieran, there's a reason why we're not supposed to meddle with the living." Autumn faked a cough for emphasis. "Because they're— I dunno— living?"

The ravenhead didn't appreciate the sarcastic tone of voice, tutting loudly, but Autumn carried on anyway.

"We've lived our lives. Let's not interfere with those who haven't lived theirs."

The ravenhead felt tears prick at the back of his eyes. "Well, I don't feel like I've lived at all, not when I've lost everything," he admitted quietly, "Being with Len feels like I'm finally making some memories, achieving some sense of purpose—"

"Kieran, stop it."

Kieran's throat clogged.

"We're dead. We don't need purposes anymore."

Now tears had sprung freely from the ravenhead's eyes and he blinked fiercely.

Autumn reached over and dabbed at their friend's eyes. "Let it go. You're using him— him and his time. Don't you see what will happen?" they pleaded softly, "The boy has an entire life outside of you. You're latching onto him and holding him back."

"But Autumn..."

"That's selfish, Kieran. Do you not realize that?"

The ravenhead's shoulders fell and he hugged his legs against his chest, letting the word ring in his eyes like a warning. Selfish.

He peeked over at Autumn, spotting the glossiness of their eyes. Somehow, he just knew they learned that lesson the hard way.

"I'm sorry," they whispered, "That was harsh."

Shaky breathes racked through Kieran's lungs with the bitter taste of anguish. "It's okay," he managed, "You're right. Len doesn't need me bothering him any more than I already am."

Contrary to his statement, the chestnut boy waited at home till later that night. Because Kieran promised— he promised he'd come over.

But the ravenhead never showed up.