The Wings

Chapter 32

A couple of days later, she came to my home to visit. I didn't know she was home so her arrival was almost a shock. I saw her approaching from my balcony. Her hair had grown again and her long strides were unmistakable. I ran to the kitchen where my mother was.

"Ma," I almost screamed, out of breath. I could feel my heatbeats in my ears.

She was surprised. "What is it?" she asked, concern rising in her eyes.

"If anyone comes, say I am not home."

"Why? Who is coming?"

"Ma...Please. Just say I went out with some college friends. Or some extra classes. Just that I'm not home."

"Okay. But why ? Who is-" She couldn't complete her question as the bell rang.

I quietly slipped into my room, closed the door and sat down right there. I couldn't hear her voice, but knew she was there. I heard my mother say, "But Dhruv isn't home. He went out. He had some extra classes or something. That's what he told me."

I burried my head in my palms. What had become of me. What had I done to myself? Unsurprisingly, I had no answeres.

That night as I lay in my bed, I began to understand, or at the very least, get a hint of realisation, at my current state of mind. I had brought myself in a very dark place. I was avoiding the person whom I once considered to have hold most dear. How could she have become the casue of such dread? I couldn't let that happen. I had lost her. I couldn't bear to loose her memories. I began to collect my thoughts. Ponder at my choices. And with the break of early dawn seeping through open window, I had reached my decision. I knew what I had to do.

After a few more nights, once I had mustered up enough willpower, I picked up my phone and dialled Kavya's number. I heard it ring on the other side. Then came her voice.

"Dhruv."

I couldn't answer. I had thought about this moment for so long but hadn't anticipated this reaction. Hearing her call my name began to shake my resolve.

"H-Hi Kavya."

"What the hell Dhruv? Where have you been?" I could hear her loud voice across the phone. She was angry.

"Away." I wasn't giving in so easily.

"No calls, no messages, I even went to your house, but aunty said-"

"I wasn't at home, Kavya."

"Dhruv, don't lie. Atleast, not to me. You could never lie to me. I saw you. You were there in the balcony when I was walking into your house. We haven't seen each other for so long, I thought we could make sense of matters once we met. But when aunty said, you weren't at home, I understood. You're avoiding me Dhruv. Why ?"

"I-"

"Speak up."

"Kavya, I-"

"Listen Dhruv. I have no idea what's going on anymore. Sid doesn't tell me anything. You don't either. Hell, you are even hiding from me nowadays. I don't know what has happened to us. It doesn't make any sense. We were the closest-"

"I'm leaving Kavya."

"Sid tells me not to talk to you. Not to let you interfere in our-. Wait. What did you just say?"

I didn't have the heart to form an answer so I remained silent.

"Leaving? What do you mean leaving? What is up with you Dhruv?"

"Things can't keep on going like this Kavya. What happened between me and Sid, had to happen. We can't change that. What we had, we can never get back to that.  We can never be the same as before, so it is useless to try anyway."

"What the fuck Dhruv? What the hell are you talking about?"

"Kavya, just listen to me. Will you?"

"I can't Dhruv. I can't-" The strain on her voice was evident. Her words were broken, she was choking up. Fuck. Then she spoke up again. "Is it becasue of me? Did I do something?"

I was terrified. "No. It wasn't you. You have nothing to do with this. It's between me and Sid."

"I just- How can I-I don't understand anything anymore." Her confusion was heartbreaking.

"I'm sorry Kavya. I can't tell you how much. But this has to happen. This is the only way things can get better."

"No Dhruv, please don't-"

"No. Please try and understand what's at stake here. Just hear me out for once."

She was silent on the other side. I knew that was her approval.

"I hate how things had to turn out, but neither of us had any say in it. None of us are wrong. Me and Sid, all of us infact, we have been through a lot over all these years and like every good thing in the world, this too had to come to its end. No please, just let me say it out. What happened, whose blame it was, I cannot say, becasue honestly, I do not possess the slightest idea. Sid blames it on me. It helps him process all of what's going on in his own way. I know that and I do not object. I can take the blame and live with it. Trust me, I can. But what I can't bear to witness is having to see your relationship with Sid being destroyed as a fallout of our fight. This isn't fair. And it shouldn't happen. Both of you are my best friends, and have been so for a vey long time, and what have developed between you, is beautiful and pure. It would be nothing less than a sin if the essece of your relationship were to be marred by the shadow of our shared misfortune. Not if I had a say in it."

"But it is not your responsibility Dhruv. It doesn't have to your sacrifice to make."

"It is my friendship as well, isn't it? What good is my friendship if I cant help protect my best friends?"

"I don't need protecting. I don't-"

"I have heard you cry Kavya. Night after night."

"You've seen me cry before. God, I cried the first time we met, if you don't remember."

"Kavya, you know this was different. You weren't crying becasue of yourself but for your helplessness. For the pain and confusion you were feeling. And you know very well the reason for that. It is my fault that your relationship is threatened. I, in my sane mind, cannot let that happen."

"Dhruv-"

"We've been together for so long Kavya, these many years, with all those memories, they couldn't all go in vain. I wouldn't let that happen. You were always close to me, you both were, and so you will always have  a special place in my heart, irriplacable, like I know I will in yours. No matter where I am, no matter where I go, I'll always have you with me."

"Please. Don't-"

"For all our sakes, Kavya. I have to. It's out of my hands anyway. Everything's been arranged. I'm leaving next week."

"What? So early?"

"Yeah. I've made up my mind. If I stay, I might start having doubts and I couldn't afford that."

"Stay Dhruv. Don't go." She had started sobbing. God why was it so difficult.

"Kavya, please-" I too found my voice caught up in my throat. I needed to end this quick.

"Couldn't we meet? For one last time before you-" she couldnt complete the sentence before breaking down.

"No Kavya. This is good bye. Take care. Be happy. And remember, I've always lo-." Fuck. A few more moments of composure was all I needed. Just a couple of seconds. "-I've always loved you guys. And I always will. Bye."

"Dhruv, I-"

I never got to hear her reply as the line went dead. Did she disconnect? I looked at my phone and clicked on the screen but it remained black. The battery had run out.

I kept the phone aside and lay down. I was numb all over. My mind was disarryed. My eyes were open to the darkness of the room. And that's when the tears came.