Come Back With Me

He Dreams of Her

"I really appreciate it but I need to be alone tonight. It's going to be a rough night and I feel like it will be better in my own home," he says.

"Then we will stay with you," she says.

"I just need one night alone to wallow in my grief. I know it's not healthy but it's what I need. I promise to check in with you guys in the morning," he says,

He takes a hard look at Peggy's face and notices she also has tear marks on her face. Her best friend died but she is holding it together for them. She is taking care of them when she deserves to be grieving too.

He decides to leave so she can have some time to come to terms with Lizzie's death on her own.

"Goodnight, Peggy," he says.

Her head snaps up to look at him. She's only ever heard him call her Carter. She doesn't know why he's changed her name but she feels like it's a shift in their friendship.

"Goodnight, Bucky," she says back.

He carries the twins over to the house and he can tell they are starting to get tired.

"Time for bed?" He asks.

The twins just yawn in response which makes Bucky let out a small laugh.

When he gets in the twins's nursery, he suddenly realizes he's never put the twins down by himself. The last couple nights, they slept at Steve and Peggy's and Steve helped him get them to sleep.

He gets them both in their PJ's and sits down with them in the rocking chair. He begins rocking them to try to get them to sleep.

"Song!" JJ exclaims.

"Song!" Steven agrees.

He knows that Lizzie always sings to them before they go to sleep. He's never been much of a singer but he always enjoyed hearing Lizzie sing.

He doesn't want to sing that song that means so much to him. If he sings the song, it will mean that Lizzie is really gone and she's not around to sing anymore. It's going to hurt like hell but his sons' happiness come first. They will always come first.

He opens his mouth and starts singing Dream a Little Dream of Me.

He was right about how painful it would be getting through the song but the boys slowly start drifting off to sleep.

He sings until he knows they are out. He places a kiss on each of their heads before setting them down in their cribs.

He leaves the room and closes the door behind him. He rests his head on the door and let's go a few shaky breathes. He knows the next place he is going will be a lot harder to enter. He hasn't been in their room since she left.

He enters the room and his chest tightens aggressively.

There is so much of her in this room. Her most recent book is on her nightstand with the bookmark halfway through. She'll never get to finish it now.

Right next to it is her sketchbook. He knows if he were to open it, he'd see the last one she did which was a sketch of him asleep on the couch with both of their boys napping on his chest.

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out her wedding ring and examines it. This small piece of metal was supposed to be a promise for forever. She wasn't supposed to leave him. Well, she did say 'until death do us part' in her vows. Death has parted them, he only wishes they were parted by his death and not hers.

He wonders if he would have still come back if he knew how short their time together was but he instantly knows a short time together has been better than no time. Plus, he has his kids now and he wouldn't trade them for anything.

He hopes that he doesn't disappoint them. He doesn't know if he's enough for them. She would be a much better mother than he will be a father.

He can tell the boys all about their wonderful and amazing mother but they won't know her and how is that fair?

It's strange because he always thought that he'd know when she died. He isn't connected to her like Steve is but he thought that he'd still feel something when she was gone. However, he effectively saw her die through Steve. The anguish on Steve's face will forever be seared into his mind because he knows that a part of Steve died with her.

He always knew it was likely that he would out live her but he thought that was decades away.

He strips off his shoes and climbs on her side of the bed. He takes her pillow and holds it close to him. It still smells like her, it smells like his happiness. He knows that as the months go by, her comforting scent will go away so he revels in it now.

He doesn't cry but instead imagine that it is her he is holding to his chest and not her pillow.

When he dreams that night, he dreams of her.