Butter Pecan (SasuNaru)

Strawberry Milk

I guess I should clean that up...

I muster all the strength I have to inch my legs to dangle off the side of the bed. I slowly cave onto the floor, my feet coming in contact with the cold wood. My vision starts to close around me and my body feels heavy, the first signs of fainting gracing my body. I hold onto my bed for support and grip my spinning head, trying my best to not faint. It takes a few minutes, but I'm eventually able to walk without feeling like absolute shit.

To start the cleaning process, I pick up a few dishes at a time and bring them to my connected bathroom. I pour all the rotten food into the toilet and flush it down, discarding the plates in my bathroom sink. I go back and forth between my bedroom and the bathroom till all the foods are disposed of, even my birthday cake. Such a menial task has really drained my very limited energy though.

I stop in my tracks to pant profusely, standing in the middle of my bathroom and leaning on my sink. I glance at my reflection in the mirror in front of me, grimacing at my appearance. My tan skin is dull and grimy, along with my puffy eyes and chapped lips. I'm disgusting. I stink of body odor from the lack of showers too. I don't think I've ever been this distasteful before.

I close the bathroom door and lock it, beginning to undress. I've been wearing Sasuke's black shirt this entire time, but it's lost his heavenly smell by now. Once I'm completely naked, I step into the shower and adjust the temperature to my liking. The water pours out of the spout atop the shower, steam and heat calming my pores.

I wish I could stay in here forever. It's so warm and soothing.

I spend some time cleaning myself with the loofah and scrubbing other parts of my body clean. The rest of my time in the shower is used just standing there emotionlessly as the water streams on my head and trickles down my body. I don't move an inch; my mind is blank. I stare at the water slipping down the drain endlessly. The steam fills the bathroom in the meantime, making the air thin and devoid of oxygen. If I stay in here any longer, I might suffocate or faint, especially in the state I'm in now.

Who cares? Compared to everything in this world, me fainting is so minuscule and unimportant. In fact, my death is the same way. It wouldn't affect anyone. It might make some peoples' lives even better. Like my beloved. He wouldn't have to wait for me anymore. I'm not coming back to him. I can't. It would be great if he could move on from me and live his life. I don't want to be a burden.

But I know he would never do that. Knowing that, though, makes me want to perish more. I don't want to live with the fact that I have ruined Sasuke's life by granting him false hope. What if he waits forever and wastes his beautiful life away? I can't bear the thought of it.

I tilt my head up and let the water stream down my face, closing my eyes from the lightheaded feeling.

Maybe one day he'll see me married off to Sakura, with a family and a successful occupation.... and he'll realize what I've figured out by now. That we simply weren't meant to be together. Hopefully then, he'll be able to move on. Even though the thought of Sasuke being with someone else makes me angry, it would be better that way.

I clench my fists.

Well, that's what I'm trying to convince myself of, at least.

***

"Naruto. Hey. It's time to wake up." My mother nudges my body that is covered in thick blankets.

I don't remember going to bed... I must've fainted again.

I pretend to sleep, hoping that my mother would just leave me alone for the day. I really don't want to go to school, nor do I want to go on that date with Sakura.