Learning to Love Again

Chapter 1

"Mrs. Whimple, I'll be out until very late. You needn't hold dinner for me," Hoseok told the nanny as he adjusted his shirt and suit coat. The older woman nodded and finished dressing little Sarah in a tiny onesie. 

"Would you like to give the babies a kiss before you leave?" Mrs. Whimple asked with evident hope. 

"I'm already running late," Hoseok shook his head and hurried from home.

"Oh dear, Mr. Jung," Mrs. Whimple sighed sadly. "The babies need more than just a warm body to care for them. They need their papa." She turned to little Sage and began to change and dress him for the day.

-----

Hoseok didn't relax until he was down the street and around the corner from his house. Every time he looked at the babies, the wound was opened again. Six months had passed since he'd lost Sarah, and he felt himself growing more distant from the children. He often regretted keeping them. Perhaps he should have given them up for adoption. He wasn't even raising them himself anyway. His phone rang as he rolled to a stop at the bakery near his home. He pulled in and answered the call.

"Jung Hoseok here; how can I help you?" 

"You can help me by being at home with your kids so I can visit you and them at the same time," Namjoon chuckled.

"Joon, don't start," Hoseok sighed. 

"Sorry, I just wanted to talk to my best friend. I miss you!" Joon sighed. "We need to meet up for lunch or something."

"I'm picking up breakfast right now at the corner place near my house." 

"Don't you have that live-in nanny housekeeper lady? Doesn't she make breakfast for you?"

" I rarely have time to eat at home anymore. I've been extremely busy at work. I almost have a deal sealed with HYBE for choreographing their newest group. Celestial is going to be the biggest thing yet."

"Hobi, you know you can seal the deal easily. Why are you spending sixteen hours a day at the office?" Joon snapped. Hobi shook his head, though Joon couldn't see him. 

"It was a mistake, Joon. A huge mistake."

"What was?"

"Keeping them," Hobi choked back a sob.

"Stop it right there. Sarah would hate to hear you talking like that!" Joon scolded the other man. "She was thrilled to be having them and wanted you to raise them with her."

"Well, she is gone, and I'm all alone with them. Every time I look at them, my heart breaks all over again. Joon, she was my everything, and because she wanted the babies, I lost her."

"It wasn't their fault; neither of you could have known about her heart condition. Not only that, Hobi, even if she had known, do you think it would have changed her mind about wanting kids?"

"Maybe not, but we could have adopted or something that wouldn't have killed her." Hobi burst into tears and dropped the phone.

"Hobi, Hobi, are you there?" Joon panicked and grabbed the office phone on his desk and called Park Jimin, another of their friends. 

"Thank you for calling Park and Associates; how can I help you?" 

"Chim, I need you to go look for Hobi; he is about to have a panic attack."

"Where is he?" Chim was grabbing his keys.

"I'm not sure, but he said something about grabbing breakfast at a corner place near his house."

"I know the place, Kim Chun-ja's place. I'm heading out. I'll call you when I get there." Jimin ended the call and locked up the interior design office he owned. 

-----

Jimin pulled up to the restaurant ten minutes after he'd hung up with Namjoon. Sure enough, Hobi's car was there, and the man was in hysterics.

"Joon, we might have to take him to the hospital if he doesn't calm down on his own," Jimin told the other over the phone. He pulled at the handle, and the door did not open. "He's locked in. If I can't get him to open the door, I'll have to break the glass."

"Try not to do that; you remember how he reacted last time you broke his window," Joon shuddered at the memory. Hobi was generally all smiles and jokes, but he turned into another person when he was pissed off. After Sarah's death, the dark persona showed itself more often. 

"Well, I'm sure as hell not gonna let him hurt himself any more than he already has. He has a busted lip; you think I should wait longer?" Jimin hollered into the phone while banging on the car window. Hobi was lost in another world and did not respond.

"Break it," Joon sighed. "I'll call the other guys. If he doesn't respond, call the ambulance and let us know, we'll meet you at the hospital." Jimin ended the call and ran to his car to get the tire iron.

"Sorry, Hobi. I'll pay for the window." He ran to the rear passenger window, busted the window, and set to work on getting the man out of the car." His plans for the day had changed drastically, but he was willing to do anything to help one of his best friends.

-----

"Jung home, how can I help you?" Mrs. Whimple answered the phone. 

"Mrs. Whimple, this is Kim Namjoon, Hoseok's friend."

"Oh, yes, I'm sorry, but Mr. Jung isn't home at the moment." the woman offered.

"I know; I'm calling you because he had another panic attack and is at Mercy General Hospital right now. The doctors are saying he is going to be just fine, but he does have a concussion. I'm afraid he won't be home tonight as they want to keep him for observation."

"Oh dear, oh dear," Mrs. Whimple clasped a hand to her chest. "I had a bad feeling this morning when he left for work. He did not look good at all. I'm afraid poor Mr. Jung is not handling the loss of his wife well at all."

"No, no, he isn't," Namjoon agreed. "Don't worry about it, though. My wife and I are here to help him get through this."

"He is so fortunate to have friends like you. Thank you for letting me know. Please keep me updated on Mr. Jung's condition."

"Yes, ma'am. Please call me if you need any help with the twins. My wife will be happy to help you with anything."

"Thank you, Mr. Kim. I'll save your number and will give you a call if necessary." She hung up the phone and went to the sleeping children. Precious babies had no idea of how their father was suffering.