I think the cover is quite nice and creates a badass vibe with the curvy woman and the bullets. But I think the cover could still be better edited. If the author is the one who edited it, I suggest increasing the size of the woman until it fits the whole photo, so that we can't see the point where her thighs and elbows are ending. Furthermore, I think you can choose a better, more formal font for the title. Maybe ColorFont-Black/DroidSans-Bold/Roboto-Black. I also suggest writing the title in all caps.
The title itself is simple, maybe a bit too simple for it to attract readers. It is relevant though, and kind of shows that the story is about Rain. I still think it can be something like "____ of Rain" or "Rain's ___" to give more hint of what the book is about. The blurb though, is really well-written. It gave me a good idea of the story without giving away too much. It's gripping and interesting.
Grammar and spelling: 7/10
The weakest point of this book was the grammar, in my opinion. There were quite a lot of places filled with grammatical errors. But don't worry, that's only normal for non-native English speakers. Grammar can easily be improved and worked on as you edit. I suggest you also pay attention to the punctuation. A lot of sentences needed commas or semi-colons. Without them, those sentences read a bit too fast, hence failed to create the right meaning and provoke the right emotion. I didn't notice spelling mistakes, so you're good to go in that. That aside, I suggest writing the foreign words and sentences in italics to separate them.
Details: 9/10
The detailing of your characters are great! I love how you introduce a prisoner and then give a short glimpse into their background, what makes them unique, and what qualities make them memorable. Since Rain gives most of them a nickname of her own, through those nicknames their personalities are also reflected well. You describe their physical as well as personality traits well, giving them all individuality. Great job!!
However, the detailing of the surroundings can be done a bit better. Readers need to be able to picture the setting and the place properly, as well as sense the atmosphere. For those, you can include more little details like the smell, or something noticeable about a particular room.
Maybe Rain isn't an observant person, so don't go into too much details. Just make them adequate enough to build the scene properly. I also think that you could do more detailing in her inner thoughts, specifically her emotions. I imagine someone like her to have very complex emotions, so if you can dig more into that, it would make her a very powerful character. You have great potentials here! :D
Originality: 8/10
I haven't read books of this genre ever before, but I think that it's fairly original. The characters, especially, are all different and unique in their own ways. The one that was most memorable to me is Comida. She is horrifying, yet that is what makes her so interesting! I haven't read the whole book, but I have noticed a lot of unconventional, original executions of events.
The premise might not be extremely original; there have been quite a lot of books about mafia-related things as well as prisoners. But I still think that, since the focus falls more on Rain's inner struggles and her family relationships, it makes your book stand out in a good way from many others in this platform. Unlike some writers, you're actually putting a great effort on your characters and the plot, so that's amazing.
Flow of the story: 10/10
The flow of the story is very decent. It is slow, sure, but not too slow for it to be boring. The plot kicks in chapter 6, but because of a lot of foreshadowing and dropping of curious information here and there, I remained hooked and the flow didn't feel so slow. I do think this kind of story should typically be more fast-paced, with the action beginning from the first 3 chapters. But I like how you took some time for world-building first, so that everyone gets a proper idea of how life is at that detention center. It makes Rain's psychological state and the fact of her accepting the deal make more sense. So the bottom line is that is admire the perfection of the flow!
Plot : 9/10
So you told me to focus on the plot because it's hard to follow. I think it was a bit confusing in the beginning, a bit vague too. But things eventually got clearer as I read on, and I didn't find it hard to follow at all. I think having a bit of vagueness in the beginning is not a bad thing at all. It might be hard to follow for the general Wattpad crowd, but on a professional and serious level, vagueness and confusion in the beginning is essentially something that makes the story more hooking. And it's not like it's completely vague and impossible to decipher. But I do admit it requires quite a lot of focus to read, so a reader who tends to skim over lines will find it hard to follow.
The plot is very gripping and interesting. I think anyone who starts this book will want to see how it ends, whether Rain is able to complete her end of the deal or not (great job including that final quote in the blurb!). Though I have only read the first 8 chapters, I can tell that the journey is going to be really exciting, something that will leave readers on the edge of their seats.
I have been rooting badly for Rain since the first chapter despite the crime she committed. She is not a perfect character, but she has humor, she is strong on her words and actions, she is witty and powerful. That makes her not only realistic but also likable. Protagonists like her, especially female ones, is always so refreshing to see. In many parts, Rain reminded me of Tracey Whitney, one of Sidney Sheldon's most badass and strongest female characters.
But my favorite has to be Fruit Loops (I'm curious to know her real name; I feel like it might be a very important twist in the story)! Her curses like "fudge" and "Nutella" are just so funny! I also love the way she secretly likes Rain but won't admit it no matter what XD Kinda like a Tsundere? It's rare to see female Tsunderes, so I love love loveeee it. The humor in general in this book is lovely. The plot and premise is serious, so the humor and funny moments really balance it all out and creates more lightness; it's a great touch.
Overall Enjoyment: 5/5
Finally, I will admit that this is not the kind of book I will usually pick up. I'm more of a simplistic, mundane slice-of-life books enjoyer. But it was refreshing to read and you didn't disappoint me at all. And I will say it, it's quite hard to please me when it comes to books, so consider yourself privileged XD Just kidding, I mean to say you have a good potential as a writer in this genre :D Good luck!
