The Second Chance (GirlXGirl)

Chp. 33

-DEVON’S POV-

I needed to be honest with Amanda, and telling her that I was hurting because I was in love with Rachel… my dead best friend was the best way to start. She needed to know why I got away, lying to her wasn’t fair, and I hoped she was being honest with me. 

I just needed time to make sure if that was the answer. 

Amanda was just staring at her hands, I urged her, “So what did you have to tell me?”

She shook her head weakly, “N-Nothing… it’s not important anymore…”

I felt my heart ache, Did what I tell her offend her? I wouldn’t think that she cared… but she looked so… broken. 

“Amanda… talk to me.”

She looked at me, “So you think you loved Rachel, and now what?”

“So now I move on, I just… I miss her. I miss everything about her Amanda… but it’s just different. It’s like I can’t move on… because trust me, I want to. I just… can’t, and I don’t know why. I thought it was because of you, and it kind of is… but I can’t avoid you forever to. I can’t just keep running from things that start to hurt me… I have to face them, you know?”

I didn’t know where that came from, but it was the damn truth. It even made me tear up a little, and it caught Amanda’s attention. “So you can’t move on because of me? Because I look to much like her..?”

I sighed, she knew that she resembled Rachel, but it wasn’t her fault. She didn’t understand it, just like I didn’t get it either. I knew I loved Rachel, and it hurt, but now I had to figure out how to fix me and Amanda’s situation… because I couldn’t lose her to. 

Then all of a sudden, my hand moved to her face, brushing a strand of her reddish brown hair that was exactly like Rachel’s. I was compelled to kiss her, but I remembered  this wasn’t Rachel, it was Amanda, “Don’t blame yourself… because there’s nothing you willingly did.”

She shook her head, “But I’m not making it any easier for you Devon, I know it’s hurting you, for me to look like her. I can see it, you loved her… and I’m gonna remind you of that every time you see me.”

I nodded, it was true, everything she said, but it didn’t change how I felt. It wasn’t her fault, she didn’t dye her hair that color, she wasn’t wearing contacts to have those eyes, it was all just some freak occurrence.

“But I know you’re not Rachel, Amanda.”

She nodded weakly, “Yea… I know.”

I stood, “So are we ok?”

She looked at me, still seeming a little hurt, “You didn’t show up to my show.”

I looked down, I still felt guilty for that… but I just didn’t think I was ready. To watch her play on stage next to Trevor, reminding me of Rachel.