The Best Of Me

Chapter- 11

*Present*

"Cas, wait."

Dean quickly jogged after him, when Cas suddenly stopped in his tracks and he nearly ran straight into the back of him as Cas turned around.

"You know, after our last conversation at the prison, I still went there every day for a month! And then every week for a year, but you never accepted my visits. Did they even tell you that I came?" Cas questioned, resting his hands on his hips as he stared at Dean.

"They told me."

Cas just shook his head in disbelief.

"I guess maybe I hoped they didn't. Do you even know that I went when Kelly and I started dating... I told her I was going to see my parents when in fact I was going to see you, but you didn't want to see me?" Cas asked, anger lacing his voice.

"That's the only thing I did want." Dean snapped, before he took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. "I never stopped loving you, Cas. Not once."

"Then why didn't you?"

"Because I... I know this doesn't make sense..." Dean trailed off unable to get his thoughts into words.

"It doesn't." Cas responded, turning around to walk away, but Dean quickly grabbed his shoulder and rushed in front of him.

"Cas. Listen to me. I wanted to do something good and I wanted to save you from some of the pain."

"You didn't save me from anything. I lived with the pain everyday of my life, Dean, and I blame you. I blame you for thinking you knew what was best for me, when it was you that was best for me!" Cas shouted, his voice laced with emotion as he stared at Dean.

"I couldn't have you wait for me, man. There was so much you wanted to do with your life-"

"I wanted to do it with you! And I would have waited for as long as it took." Cas responded, shoving Dean in the chest, but he barely moved as he stared at Cas with soft eyes.

"I didn't deserve you, Cas." Dean whispered.

"Oh, deserve me? Jesus, Dean. Don't you understand? When Kelly and I had Claire, and I know this is wrong, but do you know that when we had her, I wanted to tell you." Cas began to say as he took a shaky breath. "And when I lost Jack... I wanted you to hold me." Cas mumbled, unable to stop the tears from falling down his cheeks.

Dean didn't hesitate as he wrapped his arms around him, hugging him tightly. Cas melted into his embrace, burying his face in the crook of Dean's neck.

"And when I was alone at night, I wanted... I wanted you and I cried for you and I hated you and I hated you because..." Cas sobbed, before he pulled away from Dean and looked him in the eyes. "Because I would have chosen you no matter what, and you took that away from me."

"I made a mistake-" Dean started to say.

"Yes, you did. But, see, I still love you." Cas whispered taking a step towards him.

Dean immediately pulled him into a tight hug again, kissing the side of Cas' head as Cas wrapped his arms around his body.

Neither of them moved for the longest moment as they stood beside the cabin and held each other. Neither of them wanting to pull away and end this.

Eventually they did, both of them picking up the empty beer bottles and pizza box from earlier before they made their way into the cabin, silently. Although the outside had been completely overgrown, the inside of the cabin was exactly like how they remembered it.

The sun had long ago disappeared in the sky while they had been outside talking, so while Cas got himself a drink from the kitchen, Dean wandered into the lounge room.