Feeling

traitor 27

27 it's a number of someone that give me some trauma and some memories that maybe I'm gonna remember that.

6 years I like him, give him everything that I have, 100% my heart and all my time, I just wasted my time to a boy that never gonna loving me back. It's stupid things like 6 years its not a short time it's like a long time, And it takes quite a long time to heal. Also I always save the old chat on my phone, so if we not chat I still can read the old chat, it's make me happy and smile like stupid person hahahaha well love gonna make you lost your mind right ?.

I don't know why I love him so much, maybe because I have put all my heart into it. Sometimes I think do I deserve you? Or on the contrary, you're the one who doesn't deserve it.

And anyway why I used to chase you so much it was so embarrassing. I've told him 3 times about my feelings, And every time I tell my feelings, he always changes the subject for no reason or idk. I always expected more from him, I thought he was different but he's almost the same as everyone else.

Every time he confides about other women, to be honest I am very stupid when I say I will help you get close to him, pretending to be his friend, even though I myself have feelings for him.
It's another level of pain, Even though I know at first I chatted just to be familiar and didn't fall to like him again. But I'm wrong, I can't I still like him and I don't know why.

But there are times when I'm tired of chasing people who don't love me, I'm tired of chasing you, I'm tired of begging for your love.

So you can say I'm a stupid woman who is still chasing someone's love, even I gave him the best part of my life medal like WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU what kind Best part he give it to you HAHAHA. I don't know maybe the pain it's the best part 😅. Well actually I'm not spend a lot time with him, and we just spend all time in chat room. Everytime I ask him to go out , watch movie or play basketball he always like *I can't sorry* and sometimes if he can, I have to invite some of my friends, because he's not like if we just play together like just two person, you and I.

And you never know the reason.

Okay after all this and I'm try to relies that maybe we just be friends, I mean friend it's not bad right. We still can play together and tell the story but one thing that I can't share with him it's my love, it's forbidden and I'm gonna keep that for someone that really deserve to have my love. I'm not gonna give easily my heart again.

It's been twice I give my heart easily to someone and been twice hurt again, for now I just want enjoying my perfect life, my new life to travel the word and see the world and chase all my dream.

I believe that one day love will come to me and it is someone who is sincere and accepts me for who I am