Sad Souls, Fragile Hearts (Jin BTS)

Chapter 18 ♡

"Deep inside I'm bleeding and I keep smiling as if nothing is wrong".

----Suga's POV----

I was washing the dishes, since I had to. Argh, who washes the dishes? Definitely not me..

"Suga hyung!" Jimin yelled, making his way to the kitchen. "You know, you don't have to yell when I can clearly here you from centimetres away" I said.

Jimin rolled his eyes, "Whatever". I sighed, the shit I have to go through all the time.

Dealing with the 95 annoying liners. Kim Taehyung and Park Jimin. V then came along.

Here goes more trouble.

I continued washing the dishes, ew. "Hyung, your swag image has officially disappeared" V stated.

I stopped rubbing the plates and cutlery and glared at him. The 95 cheeky started giggling.

I rubbed the cutlery one last time, then got the water and splashed some on them, making some water dripping on the floor.

"Yah! Hyung!" Jimin shouted. I smirked, "Wait until Namjoon hyung finds out you wet the floor" V retorted.

"Pft, I'm older than him anyway" I sassed. Namjoon came running to the kitchen, then..
Shit.

He slipped on the water on the floor making him fall. Jimin and V, then started laughing.

"Who did this!?" Namjoon questioned, giving three of us a glance. I pointed at the 95 liners and they gasped.

That's karma for Jimin and V. "Namjoon hyung! Suga is ly-" V got cut off. "Clean the floor, Taehyung".

Jimin started laughing, "Haha, bad luck today Taetae". Namjoon gave a look, "You too, Jimin".

I left laughing, "Better clean the little specks of dirt on the floor too".

I went upstairs, and once I opened my room, I saw Jin going through my stuff. I caught him reading something.

Then I realised, it was the note Jiyoon sent me recently. Did he find out that we have been sending letters?

"You shouldn't be going through my private things!"

I snatched the paper away from his hands. Jin burst in anger.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU FUCKING TELL ME!" Jin yelled, grabbing my collar. I shook him off.

"Why should I tell you? Your not dating her, so why should you care?" I spat at him. He stayed silent.

"You should be ashamed, Jin. In America, you were all over Bora. You were in love with her, you saw her the way you USED to see Jiyoon. Now we returned back to Seoul, your all over Jiyoon. You know how much she was depressed over the four years we were gone? She sent me all these letters that I can't respond to, and it saddens me so much." I continued to talk.

Jin still stayed silent, but with tears in his eyes. Now that we can stay in our dorm here without going back to America anymore, our things have been moved here.

I walked to a small box in my room, and opened it, making all the letters from Jiyoon fall to the floor.

"That's how much letters she has written to me, that I couldn't even be able to reply from. That's how much times she's complained over the five years, that's how much times she has been crying for you. Go ahead, take it. Burden yourself by reading all the letters, I dare you. Don't come back running to Jiyoon, I bet she won't even come back after all the things you've done that's hurt her" I said.

"Don't worry, she already has a boyfriend." Jin said with tears in his eyes.

Wait what? I've never heard. She never wrote about it.

There was more than 1,825 letters in the box, because she sent me letters every single day for the past five years. She never mentioned it. I'm sure of it.

Jin picked the letters up from the floor, and left the room. I sighed and laid down on the bed, closing my eyes.

----Jin's POV----

I felt so upset, the fact that I've hurt Jiyoon made me upset.

I know I don't deserve her, but.. I love her so much.

I picked one of the letters and opened it.

Dear Suga,

Day 560.
Everything is terrible here. I miss you all so much, but why didn't you ever mention why you guys left?
I'm not friends with Eunji, I'm completely lonely here. She became a total bitch, Argh.
I have my Dongsaeng here though, it's Nayeon. She's the sweetest, and Jungkook's love.
I miss my brother, I found him. But I never got the chance to tell him, since he left me here. Everyone is the same, they all end up leaving.
Even Jin. Thanks for telling me he has a girlfriend though.
Thanks for making me aware, so I don't have to wait for him anymore..
I still love him so much, I still see him in my dreams and I just cry.
I cry until the early mornings and it hurts so fucking much.
It was on TV as well, apparently they were caught kissing. It hurts Suga Oppa. It hurts so much.

From, Jiyoon.

Tears fell from my eyes. I never realised, I never knew. I was so stupid, and selfish. All I thought about was trying to benefit myself.

I opened another letter, and read it.

Dear Suga,

Day 1,000.
It's been 1,000 days without you guys. It's been 1,000 days without Jin.
Fuck.
It hurts still, you know?
I'm still bleeding inside, but I know I need to move on.
I'm hurting so much, that I can't even face myself to face anyone. I guess the bravest thing I've ever done was continuing my life when I wanted to die.
For a moment, for the first time in these past years without you all, I thought I was getting better. I thought I was feeling good.
I thought for a moment I wanted to live.
For a moment, I had hope.
And in a moment.
I lost it all again,
At once.

From, Jiyoon.

I kept reading more, and sobbing.

Dear Suga,

Day 1,529.
I'm diagnosed with depression, the doctor has officially announced it to me.
Everything has been getting worse, the only good thing here with me is Nayeon.
I can't do this anymore. I can't go out pretending I'm happy wearing this big smile on my face like everything is fine.
When the truth is, nothing is fine. Maybe it won't ever be fine.
After all this time, all I dream about is Jin. In my dream, he touched me and my heart beat increased to the point that I would explode. When I woke up, I did. I exploded into tears.
He used to call me every day and talk for hours, but now I can't even remember the sound of his voice.
I hate him, but I will never stop loving him.
I miss you all.
But I do hate you all.

From, Jiyoon.

I wiped my tears.
It hurts. I'm sorry Jiyoon, I really am..

Dear Suga,

Day 1,713.
I gave up. I gave up on him.
I wanted to write down exactly how I felt but somehow the paper stayed empty and I could not have described it any better.
I realised, just now since I'm so fucking stupid, that he never loved me.
He moves on pretty fast for someone who was "in love" with me.
I wake up every morning wishing I didn't.
To be honest,
I miss him. But then I found out that,
There is no short cut to forgetting someone. You just have to endure missing them everyday until you don't anymore.

From Jiyoon.

I put all the letters on my desk and laid down crying.