Manic Diary

Me currently 😜

I am currently in the middle of moving to a new state. I don't want to move because the one semester I didn't want to have friends, I had a friend but too bad our friendship only lasted 18 weeks. My mental health was also getting better when I met her because she introduced me to new friends and she actually liked me I think. The sport I do was doing really good I was getting more attached to my coach and horse. Everything was so much better during that last semester of 9th grade. I sadly got out of school two days early because someone in my class got covid so I had to get quarantined and couldn't say bye to my friend one last time or hug her. I cried all day that day and I still cry today about it. I've never been good with making friends because I have a bad resting face which to people makes me either look sad or mad and I'm also unapproachable.

I don't want to move because I'm leaving my family and everything I love all because of my dad. I've enjoyed it being just me and my mom at home. I'm more comfortable around my mom than my dad. He always brings up "just wait until you get a boyfriend" he always talks about me getting a boyfriend now I feel like he's trying to get the idea in my head. I don't want a boyfriend because as from what I said in the last story I don't know how to approach guys in person and they don't talk to me in person. I've been telling myself that I should be rich without a man and live with two or three children I've adopted and have friends that will keep me company. How I think my parents think their only reason to live is to create a healthy and successful family. You get a partner of the opposite sex, have children with them, and raise them together. I don't like that basic idea I want to live my future life how I would like to instead of following my parents way of living how they intend me to live (I know it sounds confusing I'm trying to explain it as best as possible).

I wish my dad would understand some things. I don't want a boyfriend right now, I can't just easily make friends like you do, and I can't look happy all the time because you ruin the mood. He acts so over protective and treats me like I'm still 5 but my mom treats me like my age and she understands me because we're very similar.

I have a few ways on how I deal with stress and stuff now it may not be good for some people so please attempt at your own risk. One thing I do Is let the storm pass by. This storm I have is a really large storm and it's been taking years for it to pass. Another thing I do is add more stress onto myself. Adding more stress makes me over whelmed and I cry which usually lasts a day but it ends eventually if I have a good dinner because dinner solves most of my stress which is also another one of the ways on how I deal with stress, eating food. Food is probably not a good way but I usually eat cheez it's or pickles. The last thing I do to relieve stress is to either bang the bones on my wrist together where it hurts or bite my finger really hard. Cutting myself isn't a good way to relieve stress although it may make you feel better it's also summer time so that won't be good.