Strawberry Wine

eight

She learned to introduce herself as Roseanne, her English name, and not Chae Young. She learned to converse in English faster than anyone would have expected. Despite having been set back a year in high school, she eventually managed to catch up.

They moved out of her aunt's place, and into a crammed, two-roomed space. Chae Young and her brother learnt to juggle school and part-time jobs that often left her exhausted by the time she hit her bed. But she was glad for it. Being tired meant Jung Kook did not come in her dreams. At least, not always.

"Did you have a boyfriend back in Korea?" her cousin Ye Bin asked.

Ye Bin was only a year younger than Chae Young and she would have told her cousin about Jung Kook, about his bunny teeth, about the deep-purple Hanbok ribbon in a corner of her room. But, she did not trust her cheeky cousin.

"And what makes you think I'll I tell you?" she said, putting on her best nonchalant face.

"Well... I mean you're not bad-looking. And your tacky clothes wouldn't matter in a small town like Yong-something... wherever it is that you come from."

"What's the use of dressing well if you're failing almost every subject," Chae Young retorted.

"Someone can be smart without good grades. But...," Ye Bin grinned, "you know what they say - you can take the girl out of the country, but you can't take the country out of the girl."

"Pfffft," Chae Young rolled her eyes.

"I only ask because boys have been asking about you," Ye bin smiled slyly.

"Cut the crap," Chae Young pushed the younger girl's forehead with a finger.

Chae Young knew that Ye Bin's annoying brazen face was not the only reason. She couldn't bring herself to talk of Jung Kook just yet. A few times, she had opened her diary, sat down and thought of writing it down. But the feelings that came with it were mixed, muddled, and painful. She could find no words to properly describe the overwhelming emotions.

The first few months had been tough. The rain brought painful memories that would leave her hating the feel of raindrops on her skin. The smell of wet earth would hollow out a hole in her and she would clutch at her stomach to stop the widening gap. Sometimes, she could have sworn she could catch the smell of their love-making mingled with the smell of his sweat. Her insides would hurt with longing, and she would dig her nails into the insides of her palm to stop the lump rising from her chest to her throat.

She would also bolt from the room whenever her father and brother tuned in to the news about South Korea. She felt an unexplained guilt, and she did not want to know what was happening in that god-forsaken country.

In the beginning, she would let the emotions linger and let it take her to places she had left behind. She'd dig out the purple ribbon and hold it against her face, inhaling the smell of daisies and rain, and the smell of Jung kook's skin. It would leave a hollow feeling inside her- a hollowness that would leave her tossing and turning on bed late into the morning. The next day, she'd go through school with her head heavy and dull from lack of sleep.

Somewhere, she had read in a magazine that taking up a hobby was a good way to move on. Breaking into her savings, she bought a second-hand guitar from someone at Ye Bin's church. Despite Ye Bin's "professional" advice that one could not learn guitar from books, Chae Young was desperate enough to learn anyway.

With school, with the guitar and with life in a new country, Chae Young learned to open the jewelry box less. The days slipped on and she learned to think of school assignments and tests when it rained. She learned to worry about college and her father's health when she smelled daisies.