The Reckless Reign (Book 3, The Culled Crown Series)

Chapter 50

It fell quiet.

He bumped his hip into mine. "So, how about breakfast?"

I nodded. "I think we can probably risk it. All of my friends seem to have gone to their cabins. If one of them comes into the mess hall, I'll make sure I'm not noticed." Together, we stepped from the railing, moving towards the metal stairs that would take us to an upper deck and the enclosed communal dining room. "And," I said with a sigh, "they aren't going to be looking for me anyway."

***

Breakfast was uneventful. As I'd predicted, no one I knew was in the mess hall and most of the soldiers and sailors were too preoccupied with their own conversations and meals to even notice me. Jaxon and I ate in civil silence. He'd snagged a table by a window, and we mostly kept our attention either on our plates or on the shrinking city across the waves.

I wondered if I would ever return to Pellarmus.

A part of me hoped I would, while a deeper piece of my heart hoped I wouldn't. I'd lost a lot in that place—not as much as I'd lost in Erydia—but my boots had been on that soil when I'd heard that my brothers were dead. It had been that beach where I'd been shot, where I'd seen my friends hurt. I had no desire to relive those moments—those were wounds that were still so fresh that they ached at even the scarcest thought.

No. I didn't really want to return here.

Jaxon seemed to have similar dark thoughts, but I was too exhausted to ask about it. The night's events were slowly setting in and my body hurt in strange places. My joints cried out if I moved too quickly and my palms were skinned, my knuckles on both hands scraped raw. My knee was also skinned deeply—deep enough that there was a faint trace of blood my uniform from where it had bled through.

Beyond those physical aches, I was emotionally drained. The fact that I hadn't slept the night before was beginning to become apparent. As the mess hall cleared out and the noise level died down, it was an effort to keep my eyes open.

I had no bunk to go to, no bed to crawl into and rest. So, I tried to drown my exhaustion with caffeine. The coffee was dark and bitter, but I drank it anyway—too tired to go in search of cream or sugar.

At some point, someone called Jaxon's name and asked for his help. He seemed tired too, the lines of his face deeper and the shining of his eyes too pronounced in the bright sunlight of the morning. He sighed and stood, muttering a quiet, "I'll check in on you in a bit. Try to rest," before he was gone.

Unsure what to do, I stayed at the table. It was quieter now. Only a few people sat scattered at nearby tables; their conversation hushed. Safe. I felt safe for the first time in hours.

And so, it was easy to curl into the chair and lean against the wall. The glass of the window was warm against my skin and the low rumble of the ship told me I was moving closer and closer to home—closer and closer to Kai.

And with that thought at the forefront of my mind, I couldn't keep myself awake for even a second longer. Not after such a strange night. Not with such a strange future lingering just out of my peripheral. I was just too tired.

***

"Damn it, Benson." Something hit the table in front of me and I startled awake, nearly falling from my chair as I blinked past the bright sunlight.

I sputtered, unable to get words to form. "What—?"

Heidi was leaning across the table towards me, both of her hands planted atop it, those green eyes sharp with anger. "Why the hell are you here?"