Heaven Knows

Twelve

"Soon," I say as I watch him take a taste of the chips. "But I don't organize it this time."

Tyler gives me a soft smile and says, "I'm happy you're so successful in your career, Tessa."

There's a hint of sadness in his voice that makes my heart shrink. "You can't give up. I'm sure there will be something you can do here."

Tyler shrugs. "I have so much money that I don't even have to work. But I don't want to feel useless." His eyes quietly go distant for a second before waving away his sadness and saying, "Well, I'm sure God will show me the way."

Before I can furrow my brows at the mention of God, the waiter comes with our orders. "Aw yes!" Tyler happily says. "Thanks, man." The waiter slightly tips his cowboy hat at him and leaves.

My stomach starts to growl at the smell of my plate and I don't think twice about digging in.

But once again, I furrow my brows as I see Tyler bow his head and close his eyes. He stays like this for a moment before digging in.

He prays now?

My growling stomach brings me out of my confused thoughts, so I push it aside for now and continue with my plate.

"Tyler, what are you trying to look for in a job?" I say after my stomach seems to be full enough. "Maybe I can help. I know a few folks that own small businesses that could give you a hand."

"Anything really," Tyler says with a small smile. "Um...music would be nice but not necessary."

Once again, that sadness runs quickly through his eyes and this time, I let my curiosity speak.

"Tyler. Why did you really quit music? Clearly, you miss it very much and you're still so good with it."

"I set my goals to come back to you."

I do a small chuckle. "That still doesn't mean you have to stop. Music...is your everything! I would never quit my job just for someone."

Tyler gives me another sad smile and nods. "And I hope you never have to, but I am complete. Music isn't my everything anymore. It's why I lost you."

I clench my jaw at this as the anger I've been holding onto crawls out again. "Music did not make you lose me. You did that yourself."

Among the noise, Tyler hears my angry mumbles loud and clear. His eyes have a hint of surprise in them as he says, "Fame blinded me—"

"Yeah. But you let that happen. You could easily balance your work life with your home life. Tyler. You even stopped talking to your parents! You didn't even know if your sick mother was okay if it weren't for me calling her!"

This seems to stab his heart and I regret saying any of it. But it's out and his eyes fall on his finished plate. He clears his throat and gently says, "The first person I went to after I quit music was my mother. She died a week after I arrived..."

My heart shrinks and the happy atmosphere seems to disappear around us. I let out a small sigh and say, "I'm so sorry, Tyler. I didn't know."

"It's okay," he says with a sad smile. "None of us knew what would really happen. If I'd known that fame would make me lose time with my mother and you, I would have left my guitar on stage a long time ago. But I'm glad I got to spend some time with her before she died."

I stay silent and let my shoulders fall. But the feeling of his hand on mine sends butterflies in my stomach despite of the tension. Those dark eyes burn deep in me as he says, "But I'm here for you now."

I let my eyes fall from his. One part of me is convinced that we will be okay if we start over. But the other half stays to the status quo. I know going back to him will break the pattern I've developed to be okay. I let my heart slowly heal until he arrived. Now it's too afraid to even continue the process.

It's like Tyler can see all of this in my expression as he sweetly says, "I promise that I've changed, Tess. I don't drink. I don't even smoke anymore. I met someone that made me realize that you are my only hope."

I furrow my brows at this but his eyes shine brighter than ever as he says, "God...changed me. He found me and He led me to find you!"

And just like that, my walls come back up and I give him a scoff. "You're religious now?"

"Tessa." Tyler takes my hand in both of his hands now as he says, "He is the only one that has truly been by my side. He helped me realize the mistake I've made. Sweetheart. He taught me what true love is when He died on the cross for me."

"Alright. That's enough," I say as I take out my hand from his warm hold. "It seems like your plate may have had alcohol in it."

"It's the truth, Tessa. Please let me in. Give me a second chance. I have faith that—"

"I said that's enough." I firmly say this and he stops talking. I can't help my boiling blood as I stand and say, "I think we should head back."

His eyes immediately lose their shine as he does a small nod. "Okay. Let me just pay and we'll be out." I don't say anything as he leaves the table. My ears burn from all his nonsense. It all sets back to the beginning of my anger as I quietly follow him out.

As we ride back, we are silent from the heaviness between us. Tyler has a million more things to say but I don't let him say it as I thank him, and go back to my house.

I should've pressured him to sign those divorce papers when I had the chance to.