TOF (season 2)

Fuller Thanksgiving

Me, Mom, Kimmy, Fernando, Aunt Steph, Jimmy, and Matt are in the dining room, all of us sitting except mom.

[Mom] Ok, people, who can tell me what Thanksgiving is all about?

Everyone but me raises their hand

[Mom] Fernando.
[Fernando] Giving thanks for all our blessings.
[Mom] Wrong. Thanksgiving is about me. Me hosting the perfect Thanksgiving! Which takes macrothinking, micromanaging, and a little microwaving.

Mom starts handing out folders, most likely filled with responsibilities and schedules.

[Mom] It's gonna be a very full house, so here is your schedule of tomorrow's activities, suggested dress code and a voucher good for one six-minute shower.
[Jimmy] Do I really have to specify light or dark meat right now?
[Mom] Of course not. You have until 4:00.
[Aunt Steph] Even dad wasn't this neurotic. And he used to vaccum the fridge.
[Mom] Ok, make fun of me if you want, but now that dad lives in L.A. and Uncle Jesse and Aunt Becky are there too, and Joey's stuck in Vegas, this is our one chance all year to get the whole family together. And that's why this has to be the best Thanksgiving in the history of Thanksgivings.
[Matt] Ah, you are something cute with your holiday spirit.
[Mom] Aw, and you are something cute when you tell me I'm something cute.
[Dylan] Bleh. Disgusting.
[Mom] Dylan be polite.
[Matt] It's ok DJ he needs to be able to accept me in his own time.

All of a sudden Max comes into the kitchen playing his trombone horribly announcing that grandpa has arrived. We then all get up and head towards the living room as Jackson and Ramona come downstairs. I head over to the couch and start playing on my phone. Grandpa then comes in wearing I don't know what, I think he's having a late life crisis.

[Grandpa] Hey, my peeps! What's crack-a-lackin'? Yo, family fist bumps, come on. All around. Yeah, and et cetera.
[Jackson] Is that your Ferrari on the sidewalk?
[Grandpa] True dat. Should have seen me blazing through Fresno. This dude gives me a look like, 'let's go', and I give him a look like, 'it's on', and then I just blew the doors right off his Prius. Up high, my posse. Yeah! And et cetera.
[Aunt Steph] Uh, excuse me, sir, but have you seen my dad? Because, if you do, could you tell him that we're very concerned about whatever this is?
[Grandpa] Most def, Steph.
[Mom] Excuse me. Dad, this is my boyfriend, Doctor Matt Harmon.
[Matt] It's great to finally meet you, Mr Tanner.
[Grandpa] Ah. So you and Donna Jo been getting Jiggy with it? Urban Dictionary. Look it up.
[Max] And Aunt Stephanie is dating Kimmy's brother, Jimmy Gobbler.
[Aunt Steph] Max, we just discussed this.
[Max] What? I said Gobbler, not Gibbler.
[Grandpa] You're dating a Gibbler? Down low, home slice.
[Jimmy] Up top, white bread.
[Grandpa] Yeah!
[Jimmy] Chest bump! Ow.
[Grandpa] Sorry. Beware the pit bull.
[Mom] Dad according to my sleeping chart, you're back in your old room.
[Grandpa] Oh, sweet! Back in the OG crib. Mac Danny, out.
[Kimmy] I don't know what he's on, but I like him.

As I'm nodding in agreement Max plays his trombone again, while announcing Uncle Jesse and Becky have arrived.

[Fernando] Aw, those two are just like Kimmy and I. So crazy in love.
[Uncle Jesse] You promised to stop talking about it.
[Aunt Becky] You're the one talking about it.
[Uncle Jesse] I'm only talking about it because you can't stop talking about it.
[Both] Hi.
[Mom] Are you and Aunt Becky fighting?
[Uncle Jesse] No. We're just expressing our love loudly. That's how much we love each other. Right, Honey Bear?
[Aunt Becky] You got it, Butter Nuts.
[Uncle Jesse] See? We're not fighting. Butter Nuts?