I Love You, And I Still Do(hanahaki)

1

She had enough...in the first place, she isn't a positive person. Her brain only filters out the negative comments and rejects all the positive remarks.

"I don't want to." He rejected the idea firmly "I can choose who my best friend is. And you, stop being so negative. The people at school calls you the 'ice princess', even if it sounds cliché, you're famous for being beautiful. Why do you even downgrade yourself?"

Beautiful huh....

"...alright, I get that you won't stop so stop looking at me like I'm an idiot." She threw a pillow at him that he caught at ease.

That stupid smirk. Her heart felt uneasy, there was another reason that she didn't tell him. She wanted to keep a distance from him. She's starting to fall deeper and deeper...and she knows it too...stupid hormones. What is the good of liking someone who has a crush?

"...another person died from hanahaki today." He stated as the girl hummed in reply.

Hanahaki...an illness born from unrequited love, making the victim throw up flower petals or worse, whole flowers at later stage. This is the second year since the disease dominated the world. No one knew why it appeared, but not everyone with unrequited love gets it. It's only when the victim has fallen too deep.

The cure? Surgery, but the patient will forget every memory with their beloved and they absolutely won't fall for them again. Another cure is the beloved person liking the victim back which, is hard considering the fact it's already unrequited love.

"Hey, you better not die from that stupid disease. I know you like Suzuki-senpai, but please cherish yourself." Her tone came out like a plea, which surprised herself as well.

"Aww~ You're worried about me." The boy chuckled. "...hey, you never called me senpai! I'm older than you too."

"I'm serious." She sighed. "And, wouldn't it be disgusting to call you senpai so suddenly."

"I know. I will, thank you." He patted her hair, his lips curved into a mischievous smile "And how about you, you never told me about any of your crushes?" 

It has been you, and you alone...all along. From when I was 10 until now, until 17. She couldn't say that could she? All she could do is making sure her feelings don't grow even stronger, it would be a problem if she develops the hanahaki disease.

So instead, she acted oblivious, "Crushes?"

"Don't tell me you've never liked someone?" His eyes widened.

"Do you think I have time for that?" She scoffed, ignoring her tightening heart.

"You have a point, we could say your games are your boyfriends." He joked, but she couldn't bring herself to laugh wholeheartedly...faking a chuckle was the most she could do.

"Of course. Games are better than reality." She stuck her tongue out with a grin, the boy didn't catch the hidden meanings behind those words.

The only person that has seen this girl's brightest smile, hear her giggles, or even see her being her true self was him. She looked over at the clock...

"You should go back, it's almost dinner." 

"Yea, make sure to sleep early, don't play your games until dawn we have school, eat more vegetables, make sure you blow your hair-" 

"I get it so stop nagging, you're not my mom." She dragged him out the room. Waving goodbye before closing the door, locking it.

Her whole body slumped down. After confirming he was out of the house, she let out the cough she was holding in. Her heart sunked, her face went pale...she somehow knew it won't be a normal cough...but this was...

"No, no, no...don't joke with me." She looked at the rose petal in her hands, tears started streaming out. "I controlled...so why?"

She knew the answer, love isn't something she could control.  She doesn't want all those precious memories to be gone, that's why she'd been enduring...making sure it doesn't get deeper.

"Why are you so good to me, dammit! It's all your fault." She knew it was her own fault for falling, he didn't know anything, he was innocent...the only sinner is her.

She curled up into a ball on her bed, hugging herself, comforting herself. She can't let anyone know...especially him. If he knew she loved him in that way, he'd be disgusted for sure. Her mother? Her classmates? She had no one she could openly talk to except him and now that he can't know, she had no one.

The girl let out a hopeless whimper, shivering...

"...I'm scared."