Metalocalypse: Impending Doom

Chapter Six: Tobias

"I gotta tell you something."

"Oka-"

"Pickles is trans."

Tobias blinked, unsure on how to deal with this new information. "Good for her?"

"No, not- jesus fucking christ." Nathalia facepalmed. "No no, he's a trans male, or whatever the fuck. At least I think. Fuck."

"Oh, wow. Uh, how do you know?" Tobias questioned as he stood up from his bed to stretch his limbs, still eyeing Nathalia. He had a feeling...

Nathalia grinned. "I kinda overheard some shit." Yep, there it was. "Anyway I already told Salem, and I wanted to tell you too so you could help me."

"Help you with?"

"You gotta convince Salem and Pickles to date so they can talk more about their trans shit, and then I can get more info that way."

"Jesus Christ, why not just ask him?" Tobias spoke as he shook his head.

"Uhhh, because I just fucking said I overheard it, meaning that I'm not supposed to even know. It sounds pretty hush-hush, and seems like it has to do with Murderface or some shit- oh and by the way Pickles and him fucked- and I wanna find out all the details, which might only happen if Pickles and Salem get close enough to talk about being trans. Like, close close. Like, 'I'll suck your cock' close." Nathalia finally stopped talking long enough to actually take a deep breath while grinning at Tobias.

Tobias gave her one of his signature unamused blinks, his face blank as he tried to process all that was said. He could go on and on to her about how selfish it was to force two people to date just for some juicy gossip, but he'd rather not waste his breath on things when he'd never actually be listened to. So instead, he said, "Okay, so... I get, sort of, trying to convince Pickles to date Salem, but why do I need to convince Salem? They're so obsessed with Pickles that if the dude asked them, they'd probably marry him right now."

Nathalia gave a small pout. "Yeah I thought so too but they're kinda hesitant on talking to Pickles about it. And they also don't wanna 'intrude' or whatever on Pickles's personal life. Like uhh, Pickles literally fucked Murderface. He can handle a little talky talk with the midget."

It wasn't a secret that their band was not a fan of Murderface. They loved the rest of Dethklok for the most part, but Murderface was just an outright asshole that said a lot of stupid shit that their band did not stand for. Sure the rest of Dethklok had been known to say dumb things too, but they weren't as severe and they definitely learned to control their mouths finally. At least a little.

Tobias sighed lightly. "I might have to side with Salem on this one." Nathalia gave a dramatic gasp, looking offended that Tobias hadn't picked her side. "Look, it's probably a secret for a reason, and I don't want Pickles to be uncomfortable around us."

Nathalia groaned. "I know I know, Salem already lectured me on that. I'm not like, planning them to spill out everything at once to each other. I just want them close enough to trust each other. I want to know NOW but if I have to wait a month or two, I guess I will. Just help me!"

"I'm not sure how I could, even if I wanted to," Tobias shrugged. He usually had no time or patience for drama, or meddling in other people's affairs, unless it involved offering advice that was specifically asked from him, which happened in his friend group often.

"I dunno, like, talk to one of them and I talk to the other. Maybe convince them to fuck or, I guess, go on a date. Whichever comes first." Nathalia's eyes gleamed with mischief. "Pickles already seems a little interested. Salem told me he tucked them in when they were crashing from the alcohol, and it'd only been like an hour or some shit. We just need to be the little devils on their shoulders whispering 'fuck each other, fuck each other!'"