Trending | Dreamwastaken

21. Poor life choices

      Clay says that they're leaving tomorrow for the road trip and Adaline doesn't know if she'll be able to have a good time.

She forces herself to sit in the living room with Madi and Maira everyday, to make herself food, to clean, to shower. She makes herself function but that's not being better. She gives herself the rest that she needs and edits her videos to force herself to become distracted. She lets herself remember that Aimee is coming but she doesn't think about it. She tries not to think about it.

Maybe if she goes with Clay, they won't be here when Aimee gets here. Maybe they won't be here at all, they'll just stay away and stay where it snows, a bubble.

She knows it unrealistic, that when they come back Aimee will already be here or at least on her way. Christmas is only a week away, she doubts Clay will want to spend his Christmas away from home. He loves his family, she knows that. It's hard for her to keep remembering that his family is good, he is good. She always just assumes that everyone and their families are bad.

The point is that Adaline doesn't want to be here, in the apartment where in just a week her sister will be. It scares her and overwhelms her, how badly she doesn't want to see her. If you had told Adaline a few years ago that she would end up hating her own sister, she wouldn't believe you. She would laugh at you and then watch as Aimee tells her brother what to do and how to do it 24 hours of the day. She would tell you that she loves her sister.

Of course, that is very much not true for the present.

So instead of doing what she wants to by staying home and sitting in bed all day, Adaline takes an ice cold shower, runs to the bus stop and back, and cleans her entire room before packing a backpack of a few shirts, pants, a blanket, ect. It's more for Clay than it is for her. Plus, she wants to see the snow. And if it isn't now it might be in four years when she's graduated college and the snow isn't special anymore, it's falling out behind her window and it makes her upset how cold it is. It's better now then never.

Madi came back the day before yesterday and she has barely spoken two words to anyone, which is usually how it is when she comes back from spending time with family. Adaline still makes the effort to knock on her door.

      "Come in!" Madi calls, and when Adaline steps in she's greeted with Madi laying on her bed with her favorite book.

      "Hey," Adaline holds up a hand to wave. "I just wanted to let you know that I'm gonna go on that roadtrip thing with Clay, leaving tomorrow, don't know when I'll be back. Thought I'd let you know."

      "Alright." Madi nods. Adaline turns to leave but Madi stops her. "Hey- Wait-. Have you...Have you heard from Dante? I know they're staying with Kendra and Kendra always liked you so..."

Adaline shakes her head. She hasn't gotten a text from Dante's sister since she texted Adaline to let her know that Dante was with her a few weeks ago. Other than that, nothing. No word from Dante or their sister, radio silence from everyone.

If she could change it, she would. She would go back and fix whatever went wrong, whatever made Dante leave, everything. But she can't do that so instead she stands in the doorway of their room, their old room, and she looks at Madi and she feels sorry. Guilty. Like this is her fault even though she knows damn well it has absolutely nothing to do with her.

But maybe if she wasn't in school they wouldn't be stuck here in Florida. Maybe if she could be left alone they all would be able to do just that, leave her alone instead of having ti be there in case she runs away to the other side of the state with no word of her leaving. It's her fault, really, that she made this name for herself that she needs to be taken care of. She knows it's true. That, at least for now, someone does need to be around. And she knows it's true that it's not her fault that Dante left but still, here, looking at Madi, she does feel the guilt and the blame and the responsibility for the person she loves disappearing.

      "No." Adaline says softly. "I haven't. But if I don't hear anything by the time I get back, then I'll call her."

Neither of the two girls say anything, the silence lingers there just a little too long. Adaline turns and leaves, hearing Madi mumble a soft 'be safe out there' from behind her after she closes the door shut.

Her bag is packed and sitting on her bed, and as she looks at it she wonders if leaving for even a few days is really the best of ideas. Probably not. Adaline has made a habit of making poor life choices that usually only drag her loved ones down.

But this isn't a poor life choice. This is a road trip, not a goddamn shotgun wedding and kids.

Still. The point still stands that Adaline has a habit of making the wrong decisions and playing it off like they aren't that bad. Hitting Ian, running away, all of it.

She takes the backpack off of her bed, setting it by her door where she knows she won't forget it. She hasn't done anything in so long that she can't even remember the last time she went out and did something without thinking of the consequences her choices have and how they affect others.

Going away for a few days will be good for her. Not good for Maira or Madi, for her. And that's what really matters to Adaline right now.

Word count: 1016 

A/N: this chapter is short but im going through it right now so shrug. Next few chapters are going to be vv long and a lot of plot :) ALSO THANK YOU SM FOR THE LOVE AND SUPPORT ILY!!!