Battlecry | Criminal Minds (gxg)

Chapter 15

~Present Day, May, 2010~

Elle carries me to bed. Rocks me to sleep. Holds my head to her chest and promises not to leave me.

It only makes me cry harder. Because I know, I know that Murphy will use her against me.

I know what choice I'll have to make.

And I already know who I choose.

I don't remember falling asleep, but I remember the exhaustion I felt in my very bones, lingering when I wake up. Elle is already awake and I wonder if she got any sleep at all. One look into her eyes tells me she didn't. Tells me she was up all night, making sure I didn't disappear. Didn't vanish before her eyes.

It's an effort not to start crying again. The tears still linger—the redness of my eyes and the bags beneath, my flushed face and dry lips. Elle kisses me on the forehead. I kiss the tip of her nose. And then she kisses me—really kisses me. Soft and slow and loving.

"How do you feel?" she whispers.

It takes me a long time to answer without spilling into tears again. "L-like shit," I mutter. "But... okay... at the moment."

Elle gives me a sad smile and presses a kiss to my temple. "Do you want to talk here? Or downstairs?" she asks gently.

"I don't ever want to leave your bed," I murmur against her skin.

"Our bed."

"Our bed," I repeat. "But... kitchen. Water." My words are broken sentences that I can barely manage. I have no idea how I'm going to explain everything to her.

She just nods. Gathers me in her arms as she did last night. I let slip a tiny smile as she hoists me from the blankets. But I don't complain. I wrap my arms around her shoulders and bury my head against her chest. She carries me downstairs and lays me down on the couch before heading to the kitchen to get me a glass of water. I barely have the voice to thank her when she sits back down.

I take a long sip, holding the chilled glass in my hands. "I... I don't know where to start."

Elle turns towards me, her arm on the back of the couch and her other hand on my knee. "How about the beginning?" she says softly.

"Okay... I guess that's when I was sixteen." Her brow furrows. I sigh. "I told you it's a long story."

She just nods, giving my leg a squeeze. "We have all day."

"I thought it was Monday?"

"Already called Hotch. Asked for the day off for both of us."

I look down at my hands. "Did he ask why?"

"No."

"Because he knows something's wrong. They all do," I mutter.

Elle's hand moves to where my fingers pull at each other. She grabs hold, squeezing tight. "Keep going. You were sixteen."

"Yeah," I continue. "And I had a best friend. His name was Sam Murphy."

"Was?"

"Was. He was seventeen when... it happened." I pause to swallow. I haven't said it aloud for so long. Years.

"It's okay," Elle says softly. Her thumb strokes the side of my hand. "You can do this. I'm right here with you."

I nod. "There was an accident. Sam... he killed his dad."

Elle's eyes go wide. "His own father?"

"He was an abusive jackass son of a bitch. If Sam hadn't done it the alcohol would have. But... yeah. He was the first person Sam killed."