Alone

Apart: Part 2

Weird.

Did he just indirectly confess that he also struggled with his emotions and needs in awareness of our circumstances? Did he feel the same?

Depending on what I admitted to myself, "the same" would mean that he was either just as torn apart between sticking to our agreement and giving in to things that go beyond it, or his feelings for me have evolved and he doesn't know what to do now. All of that in consideration of me not returning those perceptions or feelings of course. This was probably what he was trying to tell me. We were at a point where we couldn't move forward or back unless we finally talked it out, which I guess we were both avoiding. Contemplating was of no use right now and we should just live in the moment as long as we still could. If I thought about it, this might be the only good thing about our situation. There was so much uncertainty that nothing really mattered.
"I missed you too.", I finally whispered in his ear and made him exhale audibly.
It seemed like he was relieved to hear that and therefore quickly cupped my face to reward me with a sweet kiss. His reaction surprised me, but I couldn't complain. It was almost like this kiss took me to a new state of mind, put me at ease and still sparked excitement in me. I let out a soft, satisfied sigh and allowed Jungkook's tongue to play with mine, so he could fully take over my mind. My free hand moved up to his neck and gently caressed it, but quickly grabbed ahold of his shoulder when he swiftly picked me up and walked us over to the counter, to have me sit on top of it. His hands rested on my thighs, spreading them, so he could stand in between. I quickly crossed my legs behind his back and pulled him closer, while he brushed his fingertips up my thighs, under the hem of the jacket and over the sides of my panties until they eventually reached my waist. To say it felt heavenly would be an understatement. Jungkook suddenly parted from me and traced sloppy kisses down my neck before pulling away to look at me. He brought his hands up to my face to hold it ever so softly for an equally soft peck and then lowered one to my back and the other to the zip of the jacket. Slowly pulling it down, but keeping his dark gaze on me, he made me gulp and bite my lip in anticipation. I slightly arched my back for him and watched how he smirked contently as he lowered his eyes to see what parts of my body he exposed. As soon as the jacket was fully opened, both of his hands traced down my stomach to the beginning of my underwear and then back up to my chest, where his thumbs moved over the bottom edges of my breasts with featherlike pressure. I slightly trembled from the sensation and pressed my lips together to silence a satisfied hum. Jungkook's eyes instantly fell back on mine as he abruptly pulled my body further against his and connected our lips in a deep kiss that didn't last long enough for my liking.
"God, I love...", he began, but gulped before he continued. "...k-kissing you. I will never get tired of it."
Once again my heart slightly dropped because he didn't end his sentence the way I - no.
I didn't want him to say it.
It would only make things worse.
"You're pretty good at it, not gonna lie.", I replied and patted his shoulder awkwardly.
"Thanks and I must've taught you well because you're quite amazing yourself. I think you really earned the butter chicken now. Do you want some of mine too?"
He carefully reached behind me to pull the boxes closer, one hand still on my thigh and his amazing cologne invading my nose as he leaned closer to me to extend his arm.
"Or we could do half and half?", he offered while still being focused on the food.
My eyes gazed over his handsome face and got stuck on his lips, that invited me to feel them against mine with every word that made them move. Before I knew it, I already held Jungkook's chin in place and softly pressed my mouth on his again. He didn't mind and instantly kissed me back, his lips parting to properly capture mine, but keeping the slow pace I initiated. The only thing I kept telling myself to justify my unbelievable actions was that nothing mattered. Live in the moment.
"What about the food?", he asked when I pulled back from him for a few seconds, to which I shook my head with my eyes still closed to stay in my clouded condition.
"I want something else right now...", I mumbled and leaned in again.
"Okay", he whispered and hugged me.
Our lips melted together right after, leaving both of us completely lost in each other's closure. It felt unspeakably good to let go of all of my worries and forget about the possible consequences awaiting us after we separated again.