𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐖𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐓𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐬|| 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐒𝐨𝐥𝐝𝐢𝐞𝐫

Chapter Forty-Seven

Later that day I was in my room, door locked and I'm just staring at the wall blankly. Just thinking about what happened at training this morning.

I can't control her. What if I never get her out of me.

I still have the words in my head and could be triggered at any moment. Even the thought of being hydra's mini pet again sends shivers down my spine.

But what happens to the electric transmitter?!

I also have the transmitter in my as well. That can also be pushed at any moment. All they need is the Winter Soldier Handbook. Another word that sends shivers down my spine.

One of the main reasons why I locked myself in 'my' room- I mean it's not really my room but I sleep in it, so I suppose it's kinda mine?- but I locked myself in there because I don't trust myself after what happened at training.

I can't trust my own mind.

I don't know how long I was zoned out for but it must have been a while as I soft knock came from the door and pulled me back to reality again. I know it's the Avengers compound and all but there still could be hydra agents everywhere.

So I grab my pocket knife from my pocket and made my way over to the door. I turned the little lock on the doorknob and opened the door slightly to see Natasha standing there.

"Hey. I hope I didn't interrupt anything, but I wanted to ask you if you wanted to get ready with Wanda and me." She asked, I frown my eyebrows and she noticed and continued.

"For the party. It's in about an hour and a half." She finished. I looked a bit sceptical at her.

Should I risk going to the party or not?

"Is everything okay?" She asked and I smile at her.

"Yeah, everything is fine. Thanks, Natasha." I say to her and she looks at me confused and gave me a 'you think I'm going to fall for that bullshit.' Look.

I roll my eyes and open the door a bit wider for her to come in and once she steps in I shut the door behind her. She makes her way over to the bed and sits down. I sit down beside her, with a bit of a gap between us.

The first couple of minutes were... Awkward. You could say. I take a deep breath and broke the silence "At training, something happened. That's what's wrong." I tell her, she looks over at me but I keep my head down looking at my lap and fiddling with my flip knife but I can feel her sympathetic gaze drilling into my skull.

"I can't even trust my own mind. I know it wasn't fully her this morning. I was just about in control, some parts I would lose control of. Some parts I would be able to keep her back. But not for long. That's also why I broke Bucky's nose, in hydra... we had to fight each other, it was like that sparing match this morning. But with more blood, so I hope he's not mad." I finish off by telling her. I still hadn't looked at her but I could still feel her gaze on me.

Oh my god, why did I tell her all this? Oh, wait. She knows all this happened. I told her in the red room, maybe? But fuck.

"Look. I can't say I know how you feel because I didn't go through what you went through. But Bucky did, he won't be mad at you for breaking his nose. Fuck he broke your nose, and also you don't have to come to the party if you don't want to, but it will be fun. There will be a lot of people at the start, but in the end, it's only the house members. So you can come down them. If you change your mind ask Friday where I am and I'll help you get ready." She tells me softly and when I finally look up at her she has a soft smile on her face. I try to give her a small smile and nod.