Rough Edges (Levi Ackerman X Reader)

Chapter 3 - Survey Corps

I grabbed a blanket and spread it on the ground, sitting with my legs crossed and my hands on my knees (Lotus pose). I inhaled deeply and started to slow my breathing. Meditation has always helped me clear my mind and rest my body. Ever since that tragic day, I've been having trouble sleeping, only getting about 4-5 hours of sleep a night, the nightmares are decreasing, but they're still there.

All I wanted was my family to give up on the business and start a new life, how could they not see we were barely surviving? Our family used to be huge, and then we were left with what, 9 members? Now it's just one. I know that there was nothing I could have done, but I still feel guilty for being the only survivor.

You shouldn't be alive, especially after all the atrocities your family has committed. My inner, darker, voice said.

Yeah but you didn't know, your parents brainwashed you and your brother into thinking they were a respectful family. Now it's time to start over. A different, calmer voice responded.

Recently, it seems like two sides of me are constantly fighting. What seems to be my darker voice is closely tied with my family and past, whereas my peaceful side constantly looks to the future. Is this what my grandfather meant when he said everyone has a dark wolf and a light wolf inside them, constantly fighting? I always thought his sayings were cliché, but maybe there was some truth to it.

I shook my head trying to clear my mind again. After a few minutes, I sighed in defeat and stood up, heading back inside. It was only about 10 o'clock, I still had time before attempting to sleep. I crept to the living room, and plopped on the couch, grabbing one of Grisha's medical textbooks. He let me borrow them since I've been helping with his business. I ended up falling asleep a few hours later, the book sprawled out on my chest.

I woke up with Eren shaking me, "(Y/N)! (Y/N)!"

I shot up, almost headbutting him. "What? What happened?! Are your parents ok?!" Old habits immediately made me assume the worst. He stood giggling, "Everyone's fine, but don't you remember, today's the big day!!!"

"Huh?..... oh yeah I almost forgot" I sat up, still slightly groggy from sleeping. Today was the day the Survey Corps returned from their 20th expedition, or something like that. I stopped keeping track, it almost seemed like every mission was a failure. But in Eren's eyes, the Survey Corps members were his heroes, he wanted to become one of them. His parents however, were not keen on Eren joining the military.

An old friend of Grisha's came over a while back, Sadie? Shadis? I couldn't remember his exact name. He came over to ask Grisha to help with the wounded soldiers at their headquarters, doctors and nurses were becoming harder to find. Grisha agreed, and I offered to help as well.

After breakfast Grisha and I readied our horses and made our way to the Survey Corps HQ. The ride took about an hour and a half. The original HQ was located just inside wall Rose, but they built a new one inside wall Maria, between Shiganshina and Trost District, to save travel time.

Once we arrived we began setting up beds and tables. I laid out all of the medical supplies and started to mix antibiotic creams. After about 30 minutes, soldiers started to trickle in. I will never forget the expressionless looks on their faces, as if they just died and came back to life. My parents told me stories about titans, but I never really paid attention, I was so focused on fulfilling my duty as a clan member.

Grisha was in charge of complex procedures, such as amputations, surgery, and severe fracture reductions. I was in charge of sutures, and basic bone reductions. Other members included a triage nurse, two other doctors, and five bedside nurses. Since I didn't have a proper education, the nurses would direct me to patients that I could take care of.