Flying Solo

Chapter 2 - Blueberries

October 22nd 2013 - 7 weeks

Over a week ago Jordan had found out she was pregnant.

Nothing had really changed for her so far. She almost felt lucky that it hadn't but she was dreading for when the morning sickness would start.

As promised Susie had brought her grandson in to help with the heavy lifting. Jordan would hide out of the way of him though becasue she was scared he would notice and say something about her growing stomach.

In reality, Jordans body hadn't changed in the slightest. She was the exact same shape as she was 2 or 3 weeks ago before she found out.

She knew she wouldnt be showing yet. She had done lots of reading and found that she wouldn't start showing until around 14 weeks.

She hard worked it out that she was currently around 7 weeks along. Her baby was the size of a blueberry.

Jordan has always been on the smaller side frame wise. She was lucky in that she had always been slim. So sooner or later her bump would be obvious.

Today was going to be a busy day though. She was meeting her midwife for the very first time.

Jordan was all too aware that she still needed to tell her parents and that thought scared her more than the impending threat of having her bloods taken.

Jordan is terrified of needles.

Susie had let her leave work early to attend this appointment, even offering to come with her for some moral support.

Jordan felt like this was something she had to do alone. Ever since that morning she had been mentally preparing herself for what was to come.

From the fact she would most likely go through birth herself to the late nights all alone. The nappy changes, even things such as walking and talking.

She has thought that if she gets used to it now then when the time comes it wont be as hard on her. She is fully preparing to do everything on her own and her stubborn nature ensures it.

The paperwork the receptionist at the doctors surgery had given her was as complete as she could get it with out informing anyone else of her situation.

It required the fathers family history but she wasnt prepared to have that conversation with him yet. The scan would be what allowed her too. He couldn't accuse her of lying that way.

Sitting in the uncomfortable plastic chair waiting to be seen was agonising for Jordan. She felt like everyone had their eyes on her, judging her for being there.

Twiddling her fingers in her lap was doing very little to distract her from her own thoughts. Her mind was running in circles of possibilities, probabilities and worst case scenarios.

Once she had done everything she needed to do today she was going home to try and find a suitable house or something similar so she could be more independent.

It wasnt until her name was called that she looked up from the fleck of dirt she had been staring at on the floor.

Her stomach was a whirling mess and she couldnt decide if it was from tje nerves or the constant nausea from when ever she thought about the impending needle situation.

Walking into the room with the midwife was nerve wracking for Jordan and she was sure that everyone who looked at her could see the anxiousness roll off her in waves.

"Hi Jordan, Im Emma. Ill be your midwife. So, nothing is actually set until you have a scan confirming there is in fact an baby there butbfir now we have a few things to go through, is that okay sweetheart?"

Emma could sense how nervous Jordan was from the constant fidgeting and the lack of eye contact.

Over the years Emma had learnt how to read people in these situations, she could see the difference between a woman who was happy because she was finally having the child and the young girl who made a mistake bit wants more than anything to be happy.

Emma could tell that behind the nervous front, Jordan was ecstatic to be a mother. It was obvious in the way that every few minutes she would put her hand on her stomach where her soon to be bump was.

The way that a tiny smile always crept onto her face when she did that too. Words were a defence mechanism for most expectant mothers. The small gestures like that showed the real emotion.

"I can see here that you've left the fathers history blank, may I ask why?" Emma spoke delicately. Some people would get very defensive if you assumed they didnt know who the father was, even if it was the case. She had learnt over the years it was better to ask the way she had.

Jordan let out a huge sigh, as if she was preparing for whole spiel about needing the father and how reckless she was. She knew Susie was understanding but she couldn't imagine everyone being that way.

"He doesnt know and Im scared to tell him without proof." Jordan casted her eyes towards her hands in her lap, fidgeting her fingers to keep self distracted.

"That's fine honey. If you do tell him, try to get that information just for this paper work. It gives us a better insight to any potential health complication we may come across." Emma tone was chiper and without judgement and that made Jordan feel much more comfortable around her. "Im guessing this will be yor first baby?" Jordan nodded in agreement.

"Okay, so all Im doing today is taking your weight, height, a few bloods and give you some leaflets. Sound good?" Jordan nodded again. Her words seemed to have got stuck in her throat. She actually liked Emma and the way she was treating her made her feel very relaxed and comfortable.

Her appointment went by quickly an Emma had even managed to make Jordan laugh at a story about her own children. It worked really well as a distraction from the fact the needle she saw early made her pass out. Having her bloods taken was in fact not as painful as she thought and she was eternally grateful for the gentle but cold hands of Emma.

As Jordan was packing up all the leaflets into her handbag to leave, Emma had told her to call to organise another appointment once she got the letter through for her scan and to bring along everything she had with her.

Jordan left the doctors surgery felling much lighter than when she had arrived. Although there was still the constant feeling that she was being judged heavily by everyone around her, she was starting to understand that they weren't and they were probably just trying to guess why she was here to entertain themselves.

One weight had been lifted off of her shoulders but there was still the weight of telling her parents, telling the boy who had got her pregnant and working out everything else in between.

Emma had confirmed her thoughts that she was roughly 7 weeks along and that would put her due date around the 10th June 2014. The thought of a June baby was exciting to Jordan. It would mean birthdays spent at the beach or just in the sun.

She had also told her that her blood pressure was a little bit high but nothing to be cncerned over. I could hve been elavted due to her nerves surrounding the appointment or by the fact that she was a little bit dehydrted from leaving work and coming straight there.

Overall, Jordan was much happier and secure with how everything was panning out for her now.