Off Record

Chapter 3

Not that he needs to lie down or is necessarily enjoying it, but the bed does remind Kylo how heavy and sore his entire body feels, and, he thinks as he sinks into the mattress, that there really isn't any reason to get up again today. He could, of course, if he wanted to, but he has graciously decided to stay in his quarters to humor Hux, who would otherwise only nag him and disturb his focus more than this retched illness.

Muted behind the pressure of congestion, Kylo senses a sentient presence outside the door. Reaching out, expecting Hux's mind, he is disappointed to discover a med droid. Not that he misses Hux, who he hates, Kylo reminds himself firmly; the droids have simply managed against all odds to be more annoying than Hux this past week. It requests entry with a soft ping, and, knowing Hux must have sent it, Kylo briefly considers leaving it outside or destroying it so that Hux will be forced to come himself instead. This, though, would mean he wants Hux to come, which he does not, so in the droid skitters.

He allows it to flit around him like the irritating gnat it is, to prod him and take his temperature, which to his dismay has risen significantly. He vaguely remembers waking up to Hux taking his temperature manually a few days ago when he was first diagnosed. Though he had been confused and disoriented, the feel of human touch had been...comforting. Not that he was weak enough to need comfort, even in this state. He had just forgotten what it felt like, he reasoned. After all, he hadn't been ill since he was a youngling, and even then, with busy politician for a mother and an inattentive smuggler for a father, he hadn't exactly been coddled.

The subtle hum of the med droid's thoughts, which are more pre-programmed operating procedures than anything else, is a dull monotone void of any definition or discernible emotion. The white noise echoes in his aching head and grates on his nerves. It's nothing like the sound and feel of Hux's mind, which has a calming effect on Kylo as it works in an overly-organized fashion to grasp full control of its environment. Unlike most, its emotional sound is generally quiet and consistent, a beating of irritation and stress in the background rather than a fluctuating rhythm blaring out above practical thinking. Not that Kylo likes it; he's only gotten used to it with Hux being so close as of late. Hux's thoughts sometimes project themselves as clearly as if Kylo is reading them, particularly realizations and orders Hux is mentally imposing on himself, which is hardly likable. Still, Kylo supposes he prefers Hux's mind over any other he's come across. Not because he likes Hux, Kylo reminds himself yet again, but because he hates people. Besides, its unobtrusive planning tendencies were grounding throughout the worst of the fever, when Kylo had no idea what to do himself.

The droid leaves Kylo to the total silence of isolation, something he prefers. Usually. He really should meditate. If only it didn't take so much effort. Groaning, he sits up and crosses his legs despite the protest of his body. He supposes it will be all right to mediate from the bed and to keep the blankets just this once. Just as he begins to focus, he feels it, a deep-seeded sting in his right nostril. It always starts like this. Even with the very little experience he has with illness, Kylo knows he's prone to sneezing fits. It enrages him; he loathes these unexpected loses of control. As far as he knows, his Force reaction is unheard of. Ben Solo, foolish and insecure as he was, had never sought training to correct it when he was young enough for force sensitivity struggles to be expected, and now there was no chance of revealing such a ridiculous vulnerability to his current master.

"he...hptt'SHHHHUU!!! EXXSHUH!!" He launches forward, nearly slamming his head on his knees. He looks up just in time to see a chair crash against the opposite wall, narrowly missing his Grandfather's helmet as it wizzes across the room to meet its maker. Kylo pounds his fist against the bed and starts to scream, but ends up coughing. He's scarcely caught his breath when he feels another sneeze coming on. The only thing Ren's learned to hate more than sneezing is stifling, but he's willing to suffer solitary indignity to save the last relic of his idol. At least there's one benefit to Hux's absence. Disgusted to find it dripping, Kylo grips his nose and suppresses a wrenching "hep'shhh! Exshuh! EXXshh!!" flung against the bed and held down by his own Force for the deration of the fit. No longer locked in place but too exhausted to move anyway, Kylo gives a gurgling sniff that triggers a bought of coughing.

He eventually decides he'd rather blow his nose in his scarf than choke, so he summons the last of his energy to float it over from his abandoned layers on the floor. Hux would have a handkerchief. Hux would, in his ignorance of the Force, not see this as a failure. Though he was wrong, it made Kylo feel less pathetic to sense Hux's view of illness; a hassle, a disadvantage, a contamination, but an accidental inconvenience bound to happen to everyone. Astoundingly, Kylo even senses empathy in Hux. He should see this as a weakness in Hux, but inexplicably, he doesn't. Not that he needs empathy, Kylo thinks hazily as he begins to drift off. It's nice Hux is willing to...help him, he supposes, without pitying him, which would leave Kylo seething. Not that he needs help. Normally, such genuine regard would guilt Kylo; he knows he doesn't deserve to be looked after. But Hux's ministrations are almost always coated in mild distaste, so Kylo is comfortable enough to accept them without emotional consequence. Not that he needs Hux, Kylo thinks as sleep engulfs him. He jolts awake mid-snore.

"Lord Ren!" comes a distinctly un-Hux-like yell from the corridor followed by another cautious knock. Force, he feels terrible.

"WHAT?!" he roars into the poor officer's mind, not so much as bothering to open his eyes again.

"Supreme Leader Snoke has ordered your audience," the voice replies more meekly than ever, "immediately." Well shit. For a second, Kylo actually finds himself hoping Hux will be there. Force, he hates himself right now. Just look what a simple virus has reduced him to. He did not, does not, will not, under any circumstances, need Hux.