Under a Silent Moon

31

Chapter Thirty-One: You Deserve to be Happy

LANA

When musical practice concludes, I find Zack waiting for me in the audience, lounging with his feet propped up on a seat. Carly and Sebastian meet us at the exit and, wiping the beading sweat on our foreheads away, brace for the cool impact of spring air.

"Ridgewood Heights opens this weekend," Carly is rambling on about the local amusement park. My family isn't really big into amusement, so I haven't been there since a fourth grade field trip. Blake tried to get me to come with him and his friends two summers ago, but I was too anxious to hang around the older kids and ruefully declined.

There's hesitancy in my response now, even. Something about big crowds and loud noises produces a knot in my stomach. Fast-paced activities don't often appeal to me.

"Of course we'll go," Zack is saying without confiding in me first. My head whips in his direction a little too fast and he says, "What? Sounds like a blast."

"Okay," I nod my head. "But only because I think it'll be hilarious to hear you scream."

And just like that, a wave of nervous excitement bathes over me.

We make a plan for tomorrow morning (I jot it down in my phone) which involves the following: We're leaving at 10am. Carly is driving; she'll pick up Sebastian and then me and then Zack on our way out of town. We will stop to eat before entering the city.

The next morning, Carly is bouncing in her seat as her car pulls up in front of my house. When I tell my mom I'm going out of town with some friends, she looks like I've just confessed to a robbery.

"Okay . . ." she stammers as I rush out the door.

Throwing my bag into the back seat, I jump in after it. Sebastian and Carly are sipping on Starbucks, and I almost make a sly comment when Sebastian turns around and hands me a coffee labeled Lana.

"Thank God," I say, furiously sipping the steaming beverage. Two sugars, one cream. Just the way I like it.

"So is this you and Zack's first date?" Carly asks me, already craving juicy gossip.

I chuckle at the word "date." I wouldn't really consider any previous encounters of ours a date, but I'm not exactly sure I'd consider this adventure one either.

"I suppose," I tell her, watching the trees zoom past us.

She squeals in delight, just like we used to at our sleepovers when we were ten. We'd be sprawled out in my bedroom, journals open and colorful pens poised high, Carly eager to write love notes and me eager to write cliche poetry. We'd splay the gel pens on my furry rug and take turns reading what we wrote out loud. Sometimes I'd scratch out my poems, refusing to share them either out of modesty or embarrassment, neither of which Carly had.

She'd boast "Dear diary . . ." and rattle on about a fictional date she had with whoever her current crush was. We'd laugh and scream and blush at the part where Carly described a hot makeout scene in the back of her parents' van.

She was always trying to hook me up with someone. David, Marcus, Cole, Grayson (before we knew he was an asshole, of course). The list goes on. I'd always hate the dejected expression she'd get when I told her I wasn't interested in pursuing her suitors. It got to the point where she was insistent that I was gay, and that she was "totally cool" with it, but I assured her that wasn't the case.

My classmates haven't always been the nicest people to me, and I just didn't see the value in placing my fragile emotional state in the hands of a stranger who could easily break it.

"I'm so happy for you," Carly's saying now, but her tone is even and less ecstatic. Glancing over her shoulder at me, she adds, "You deserve to be happy."

I shake my head, wanting to believe her words. Wanting to so ardently it shakes me to my core. My best friends have always been my biggest advocates, but compliments have never been something I easily digest.

"Thanks, Car. Love you."

Sebastian swivels around, jabbing a finger at me. "And you love Zack, and you're gonna get married on the beach and buy a house in Malibu and have cute little babies that inherit your bouncy curls and his beautiful green eyes . . ."

I reach into the passenger's seat and start to beat on Sebastian with my coffee-less hand.

When we pull up to Zack's home, my friends have a hard time suppressing their admiration of the pearly white, three-story, pillared home.

I shoot Zack a text to signal our arrival and when he saunters out onto the porch, his dad isn't far behind. His lips move slightly as Zack passes him, and Zack responds dismissively without looking back at him. His dad's arms hug his body, and his face spells disapproval all over it. I look away, pretending not to be affected by his judgement.

Any uneasiness I feel is swept away as Zack scoots in beside me. He gently grabs my face and plants a big ol' smooch right on my cheek.

"Hey!" Carly snaps playfully. "Don't even start back there, love birds. I just had this car detailed."

"I just can't help it, she's so dang cute." He trails dramatic kisses from my cheek to my neck, where we both simultaneously decide that that's probably not the best idea.

He pulls away and buckles up. Despite our morning adventure taking place outside, Zack is still swathed in darkness as usual. He's wearing black joggers and a deep blue shirt with the sleeves rolled up, exposing his forearms for now. He's got on a baseball cap, disheveled hair escaping on all sides, and a pair of sunglasses dangle from his shirt collar. He definitely looks out of place when juxtaposed to my friends and I.

I've got on a black and white striped shirt that ties off to the side with soft gray shorts. Carly's wearing a light pink crop top with high-waisted jean shorts. Sebastian's in royal blue basketball shorts paired with a red tank.

On our journey into the city, we roll down the windows and scream-sing karaoke until our eyes water from laughter. I share my drink with Zack, whose face scrunches up at the bitter caffeine. Our fun soon subsides, however, when we get stuck in traffic on the freeway. We resort to a lousy game of "I Spy," where Sebastian keeps describing cars to us and becomes frustrated when we guess correctly every time.

Carly rolls up the windows and blasts the AC to combat the unseasonably scorching heat. Sebastian pushes aside the cover to the sunroof, and from the corner of my eye, I can see Zack pull his cap farther down to shadow his face.

After what feels like hours, suddenly Sebastian claps, startling the carload. "Look!"

A ferris wheel and two roller coasters can be seen at the city's skyline. I smile, feeling giddy, like a kid at Christmas. It's been quite some time since I've felt this pure.