Lilac's Lies

7

Jesse moved his hand to my thigh, gently widening his fingertips so he could touch the most amount of skin possible. A threat. 

"I mean, yeah... it's been a while." I corrected myself, trying to brighten my tone.

"It's awesome that we've all decided to work things out. It will be like none of this ever happened." Brett said, and even though he said the words calmly, he glanced at Jesse and the two made eye contact.

I narrowed my eyes as I watched them, because it was like they were having a silent conversation with themselves. Almost like they were going over what they rehearsed to say. I quickly came to the conclusion that they assumed Clara and I had kept their threats of blackmail a secret from each other.

They were dumber than I thought.

"Speaking of..." Clara looked around our table, as if to make sure no one else was around, then she dropped her voice to a whisper. "that night. Have you heard anything? Any news? Anything we need to know?"

"No." Brett said immediatley, shaking his head. "Nothing new. My dad would have told me. You guys are doing what I asked you to do... right? Not checking the news or reading the articles about it? If we get pulled into questioning... any of us... we need to know as little about what they know as possible."

I nodded, and I noticed Clara did too. Brett had told us this a couple of weeks ago. He said our best defense was to be as genuinely clueless as possible, in case the police ever asked us questions. He didn't even have to tell me that, because I had been actively ignoring anything about what happened anyways.

The anxiety it gave me was enough to kill me, I'm pretty sure.

"Good." Brett chimed out, a smile returning to his face. "Let's stop talking about it."

"Exactly. I'm sick of talking about it." Jesse added, removing his hand from my thigh and throwing it over my shoulders. He used such forced to pull me close to him that my chair made a screeching noise as it moved along the floor. "Let's talk about how beautiful our girlfriends look tonight, instead."

I felt my eyes pull together at his use of the word girlfriend. Why did he not seem to understand that I wasn't, nor, will I ever be his girlfriend again? I hadn't even accepted his absurd proposal of thinking about getting back together until he had to physically intimidate me. I certainly never said I would be his girlfriend again.

I heard Brett respond, but I couldn't focus on his words because Jesse leaned in close to me. He was so close I could feel his breath on my neck, and I wanted to pull away, but I couldn't. I couldn't pull away because his hand was cluthed against the other side of my neck and it was holding me in place.

I closed my eyes as I felt his lips on my neck, he was kissing me. I didn't close my eyes in pleasure, as I'm sure he assumed from the way I felt his lips turn up in a smile against my skin. I closed them in disgust. I could hear Brett and Clara talking. I couldn't make out their words because the only thing my mind was focusing on, was Jesse's lips on my skin. I had promised myself those lips would never touch me again.

My breath was shaky as I pulled the air into my lungs. Using all the strength in my body, I pulled away from Jesse. I barely heard his curse of obvious displeasure as I quickly stood up from the wooden chair and walked back towards the entrance.

I kept my eyes ahead of me, ignoring the obvious stares of our classmates. I was even able to ignore the stares from the perverts who come here because they know its full of drunk teenagers. I was able to ignore them all because my mind was too preoccupied with the disgust I felt with myself for
allowing Jesse to touch me like that, again.

The air was cold as I burst through the doors. I stopped to breathe it in, feeling the chill as it nipped the warm skin in my throat. I took a couple of deep breaths, simply trying to calm myself down.

"Lilly, what the fuck was that?" Jesse's voice said as I heard the door behind me open and close again. I should have known he would follow me. I should have known.

"Do you fucking realize how embarassing that was for me? Following you out passed all those people who know who we are, like it was the clearest fucking thing in the world that we had just fought in public? What the fuck is wrong with you?" Jesse continued, and I know his voice had completley crossed over into that dangerous zone. I had to be wise with my words now.

I turned to face him, trying to keep my face as impassive as possible. "I'm just not ready for all that, Jesse. I didn't even agree to be your girlfriend again. I'm not ready to be kissing in public."

Jesse laughed, and the sound gave me chills. Not in a good way, like when you hear a beautiful voice singing. It gave me the kind of chills you get when you have a deathly fever.

"Grow the fuck up, Lilly. Are you serious? You've been fucked by half the guys in the school... yet you're uncomfortable with your boyfriend kissing your neck. Are you fucking five years old? This is ridiculous." Jesse snapped at me, before he took a breath like he was trying to control his temper.

Probably because we were in public, and he had forgotten that fact.

Jesse held out his hand. "Just come back inside, Lilly. Stop acting like this."

"No." I shook my head, turning my body away from him, "I'll come back in when I'm ready."

I just needed a couple of minutes to compose myself. I just needed a couple of minutes to convince my body to go along with these lies.

Jesse narrowed his eyes, before he suddenly moved towards me. He grabbed my arm, and I knew I was going to have to hide the tiny fingerprint bruises his touch was going to leave.

"Get inside the fucking restaurant." He gritted out, through a tensed jaw.

I opened my mouth to protest, but the words never left my mouth because someone else spoke instead.

"Lillac." He said my name firmly. "Are you okay?"