when i was older | Billie Eilish

10

May 29th 2020

Billie and I have been texting for a long time yesterday night. I really enjoyed having a conversation with her, it all felt natural. If I didn't stop our conversation we would've probably texted for another five hours.

I have a bad history with texting. Texting makes these fake relationships; the problem is that my emotions are real. I start to bond to someone who could "ghost" me in a moment. So what I need is relationships in real life, real friends who laugh and hug and stand by you. I need a bit more of that world my grandparents knew. The one where talking to a friend was something so much more.

Ever since the person I fell in love with over texts ghosted me, I never really talked to someone through the internet. But you know, this is 2020. Maybe the people here are nicer.

After scrolling on various news update sites, I get another text.

ʙɪʟʟɪᴇ: ɢᴏᴏᴅ ᴍᴏʀɴɪɴɢ sᴜɴsʜɪɴᴇ, ᴅɪᴅ ᴜ sʟᴇᴇᴘ ᴡᴇʟʟ?
>ɪ sʟᴇᴘᴛ ɢʀᴇᴀᴛ ᴀᴄᴛᴜᴀʟʟʏ, ʜʙᴜ?
ʙɪʟʟɪᴇ: ɪɴᴄʀᴇᴅɪʙʟᴇ. ɴᴏᴛʜɪɴɢ ɢᴏᴇs ᴏᴠᴇʀ ᴀ ɴɪɢʜᴛ ɪɴ ᴍʏ ᴏᴡɴ ᴄᴏᴍғʏ ʙᴇᴅ
>ɪ ᴄᴀɴ ᴏɴʟʏ ɪᴍᴀɢɪɴᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ, ɪ ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ sʟᴇᴇᴘ ɪɴ ᴀ ᴅᴀᴍɴ ʙᴜs.
ʙɪʟʟɪᴇ: ɪ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅɴ'ᴛ ʀᴇᴄᴏᴍᴍᴇɴᴅ ᴇɪᴛʜᴇʀ👎🏼ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴏɴ sᴄʜᴇᴅᴜʟᴇ ғᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜ ᴛᴏᴅᴀʏ?
>ɴᴏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴀᴄᴛᴜᴀʟʟʏ
ʙɪʟʟɪᴇ: ᴡᴀɴɴᴀ ɢᴏ ɢᴇᴛ ᴄᴏғғᴇᴇ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴍᴇ? ɪ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ɴᴏ ғʀɪᴇɴᴅs
>ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ᴛᴇʟʟɪɴɢ ᴍᴇ ʙɪʟʟɪᴇ ᴇɪʟɪsʜ ʜᴀs ɴᴏ ғʀɪᴇɴᴅs?!😦
ʙɪʟʟɪᴇ: ɪ'ᴍ ᴀ ʜᴜᴍᴀɴ, ᴊᴜsᴛ ʟɪᴋᴇ ʏᴏᴜ🙄
>ᴅᴀɴɢ ɪ ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴇʀᴇ ᴀ ʀᴏʙᴏᴛ
ʙɪʟʟɪᴇ: ᴛᴏᴏ ʙᴀᴅ ʜᴜʜ
> ғɪɴᴇ ɪ'ʟʟ ɢᴏ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴜ
ʙɪʟʟɪᴇ: ʏᴏᴜ ɴᴇᴇᴅ ᴍᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴘɪᴄᴋ ᴜ ᴜᴘ?
>ɴᴏ ɪ'ᴍ ғɪɴᴇ, ɪ'ʟʟ ᴍᴇᴇᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀᴛ 12?
ʙɪʟʟɪᴇ: ᴀɪɢʜᴛ sᴇᴇ ʏᴏᴜ sᴏᴏɴ ʙᴀʙʏ

baby

See this is what I mean. I fall in love way too easily.

I hurry and get ready for my lil Starbucks date. If it's a date. Idk. 

I'm almost at Starbucks and I already see her big muscular car parked in front of the coffee shop.  Billie dressed in a black sweatsuit and black beanie, which made me even feel sweaty, waved at me with a broad smile on her face. 

"Aren't you sweating your ass off?"

"Nah I'm used to it. Hello to you too"

I let out a soft giggle, "Hey"

We order two coffee's and sit down on a little bench while we wait for our order. 

"So how do you feel about touring with me?"

"I'm really excited to see what it's like and I can't wait to be all stuck up on your ass taking pictures"

"One thing is for sure, you won't get a bad picture"

"Oh I will", I smirk.

"No you won't. I don't have any bad angles", Billie says confidently.

"We'll see"

Our conversation dies here as the worker calls out our names.

We're walking outside now enjoying the warm weather.

"The reason why I asked you to come get coffee with me is because I like to be friends with the people that work for me. I'm like friends with everyone that's on my team, even the old people"