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You'll Be Alright

Chapter Three: You'll Be Alright

Elizabeth gets this feeling in her chest, like she can’t take in a breath. It isn’t constant, but it’s becoming difficult for her to stand.

She’s getting better. Well, she’s trying to get better. Just this week she’s gone grocery shopping and out to dinner with her parents and Brendon. That was an experience she’d rather forget, though. Her mother had pestered her with questions until Brendon had feigned a migraine so they could leave.

It was just another example for her that Brendon is perfect, and she is useless. She can’t even stand up to her mother. She can’t even be a mother. She begins to wonder why Brendon even bothers sticking around. She barely even talks to him, yet there he is every night, holding her to him and thanking her for making dinner. At least she can still cook.

She’s started wondering if maybe it’ll be better for everyone if she were to not be there anymore. Brendon could find a deserving wife and have cute kids. Her parents could focus more on her brothers and not on how she’s doing. It’s not like she has any friends any more since she cut all contact with them.

She’s taken to sitting in the bathroom all day when Brendon is at work. She just stares at the wall, thinking. Evil thoughts plague her mind, but she works to ignore them. They bring temptations she can't even fathom. Violent desires cloud over her, blocking the light she needs.  

If Brendon knew her thoughts were becoming this dark, he would’ve jumped into action; he’d call her mom, then a therapist, then Elizabeth’s favorite restaurant to try and bribe her into talking to him. He didn’t know though, and he thought she was getting better. She’s smiled three times this week, and he’s lost count of how many sentences she’s used. She’s started talking again, and it amazed Brendon how much he missed her voice. Granted it’s been almost four and a half months since they lost Becca.

She says “I love you” every day, and that’s enough for Brendon to have hope for them. It’s enough to make up for the gut-wrenching feeling he had when he saw her curled up on the floor with a thankfully unused razor in her hand.

“I love you, Bethy,” he says currently, as they watch some old movie marathon in the living room a week after he found her in the bathroom. That’s another thing; she doesn’t spend every minute of the day in their room or the bathroom any more. She smiles at him.

Four smiles.

After a few minutes, she turns to him with the usual somber expression and grabs his hand.

“Thank you for being here for me. It’s not fair to you that I close up and reject you when you lost just as much as I did. You’re such a brave, loyal man. You need to grieve, and I’m not giving you any time to. I want you to know that from now on I’m going to try, really try, to move on. Not forget, just move on. Rebecca would be proud of the husband you are and the father you’ll someday be. I want her to be proud of me, too.”

Brendon immediately bursts into tears, sobs tearing through his body. Elizabeth tries to soothe him, running her hands through his thick, dark hair and trying to hug him tighter than she previously thought possible. Brendon looks up at her, his hazel eyes shining with tears and an emotion she hasn’t seen in months – happiness.

“I love you so much,” he says before repeatedly kissing her forehead. “I need to be here for you. It makes me feel better. I grieve by helping you grieve. I’ll wait as long as you need me to, just know that I love you, and I won’t give up. I know you blame yourself, but you shouldn’t. No one blames you. No one. Rebecca was needed up there more than down here. We have to move on for her. She loves you just as much as I do, and I bet she’s watching us right now thinking wow, I have the best parents in the world. And of course she’s saying my daddy’s so cool and handsome.”

Elizabeth laughs at his corny humor. It’s a small chuckle, little more than a snort, but hearing it makes Brendon’s heart thud against his chest, and he smiles so wide his cheeks hurt.

“You are so not cool,” she smiles at him. He tackles her with a hug, just so relieved that she’s actually getting better. This is all that he wants -- his wife’s love and well-being.

“Am too,” he pouts. She laughs again, and Brendon pulls back to kiss her. It’s the first time he’s kissed her since they lost their angel, and both enjoy it so much they want to cry. It’s a small, simple kiss, but it holds huge promise.

“Dr. Helton said something when I went for my follow-up. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t really believe him, but now I think I do,” she looks down and twists her fingers around. Brendon stops her by grabbing her hands and nods encouragingly at her. “He said that miscarriages that are due to chromosomal abnormalities are usually a one-time thing, and that the odds of us having a baby are even higher than they were before.”

Brendon smiles even wider than before, and he swears his cheeks are going to fall off. He looks at Elizabeth mischievously, and her heart flutters.

“Why don’t we go try then?” he winks at her to let her know that he’s joking, and she laughs again.

“But really Brendon, let’s try again,” she says shyly.

“You’re serious? You think you’re ready to?”

“Well, it’s been too long. I’m ready to move on. And to repay you for being as wonderful as you’ve been. I do believe I'm in  your debt, my dear,” she smirks at him.

“Oh, Bethy, I missed you teasing me so much,” Brendon sighs before picking her up into his arms and standing. “Now, let’s go.”

Elizabeth’s laugh echoes through the house as they make their way to their room, and Brendon doesn’t think he’s ever heard a sound more beautiful.