Going Full Throttle

Chapter 48

October 7th

"Mama?" Finn yawned from the back seat of the truck.

My heart sang just like it did every time he called me that. In the last month, Finn had slowly become more comfortable with my new label. I never pushed and I never mentioned it when he switched back to Aunty, but it made me so happy to hear. We both had realized very quickly that "Mommy" didn't work. Mommy was Sophia. Recently though, I was almost always Mom or Mama.

"Yes?" I responded as I turned onto the dirt road that led to our cabin.

There was a soft pause, making me flick my eyes into the rearview mirror. Finn leaned against the window, pensively watching the trees blur by. His lips were turned into a slight frown as a long breath escaped through them.

"Can I Facetime Tyla?"

I grinned at the change in his voice. In the last month, Ms. Minha had been working on Finn's pronunciation. She said it was developmentally normal that he couldn't say the R's all of the time. But now, he had slowly dropped the childish W sound for the most part and occasionally even got the R right.

Then I registered his question and the high I'd just been on deflated instantly. Two months without Tyler and the wounds were still fresh and raw. Just the mention of his name felt like acid on a deep cut. The worst part of it all was knowing that he didn't care. That he was off with other women, enjoying his life again. It did make me less guilty though. Letting him walk away without knowing that I loved him too was the shittiest I'd ever felt.

Scratch that. Loving him still today, while he's off gallivanting, was the shittiest I'd ever felt.

"Can you text him?" Finn asked when I didn't respond right away.

I took a deep breath, reminding myself that I had gotten us into this mess. I had to do my best to ensure Finn didn't pay for it.

"Yeah, I'll text him."

A few minutes later I paced in the kitchen. My fingers clutched my phone as I steadied my breath. I'd spent the rest of the drive home pumping myself up for this text but so far, no dice. Finally, I pictured Finn's sad little face before he'd asked to call Tyler. Maybe he'd had a hard day at school and Tyler was what he needed to feel better.

With that thought, I opened my phone and bit the bullet.

Pia: Hey, Finn has asked to Facetime you if you're free.

I didn't even have time to put my phone down before he read my message. My entire body froze as I watched his text bubble pop up immediately. It disappeared a few times, as though he were typing and deleting his message, then finally he responded.

Tyler: Can it be right now? I have practice soon and won't be done until after his bedtime.

Pia: k.

"Finn!" I called upstairs as I ran into my room to grab my Macbook. "Come down you can call Tyler right now!"

A stampede of shrieks, barks, and heavy footsteps raced down the stairs immediately. I half expected a few elephants to come around the corner but it was just Finn with a wide grin and Petey.

I set up the laptop on the counter while Finn climbed onto the stool with Petey by his feet. My heart thudded in my chest as I found Tyler's contact and clicked it. I gave Finn a quick kiss on his hair as he vibrated excitedly then sped walked around the corner.

My plan was to hide in my room until the call was over, but Tyler answered right away and I froze as his voice filled the cabin. It was thick and scratchier than it had been before. Like he'd spent a lot of time shouting. It could have been from the shows they'd been doing, but it was probably from the clubs.