Wanted

Thirty-Eight

Happy Friday my babies! I hope that all of you have wonderful and blessed days! (: Love you!

--

Kaimana

"Dy'mond, what color do you want?"

"Lemme see!" She reached her hands out for me to pick her up.

I smiled, bending over to lift her up. I struggled a little bit, feeling out of breath but I got her hoisted up on my hip. She looked at the wall of nail polishes in amazement.

Today, I got off of work early and it's been forever since I've gotten my nails and hair done, so, since I can actually have spending money now, I made appointments for Baby and I to do both of those things.

I'd gotten a sew-in, deciding to try something new along with my purple hair I'd grown accustomed to. As for Dy'mond, she really wanted hair like mine so I allowed them to press her hair and she was so beautiful.

I felt myself tear up watching her get her hair done for the first time because I never imagined myself being able to do things like this with my daughter. Despite being just 3 years old, she's finally receiving the chance to be a child and I couldn't be happier.

"Mommy, I like the pink!" Dy'mond exclaimed, disrupting my thought process.

I smiled and picked out the nail polish she was pointing to. I handed it to her and she excitedly smiled, examining the bottle of polish.

I laughed and picked out a soft lavender polish. Walking over to where the nail technicians I had scheduled were stationed, I sat Dy'mond in her seat before taking mine. She handed the lady her polish and the look on her face expressed nothing short of excitement.

Finally being able to share mother-daughter moments, getting hair and nails done, and things of that nature with my daughter has always been something I've wanted to do and now that I'm able to I'm more than happy. Beyond grateful I had the courage to take my daughter and I out of the situation we were in, though it took drastic measures on one end or another, to do so.

I know for a fact the greatest person I have to thank outside of God and my own strength is AJ and I do every chance I get, in everything that I do. Yet, I can't help but to sometimes feel as if he sees me as ungrateful or even if I occasionally come across that way because I could never be and those would never be my intentions.

Sometimes I wonder why God placed him in my life.

Of course it wasn't a coincidence that he kept showing up at Winn-Dixie and coming into my line, even if it as purposely on his part. God sent him to me as a savior, though I never saw it that way I can clearly see it now. He was meant to break me free of the situation I was in and he has done so time after time.

He was sent to show me how to break free from myself and he is. How to sometimes be carefree and not so uptight. How to be confident in my own skin. How to love myself. How to be Kaimana.

There's purpose in all of God's doing.

Being that there's purpose in all and though you should never question it, what is the purpose for this current situation? Why this child, why now and most of all, why with AJ?

--

"Mommy."

"Yes, Baby?" I answered, placing a bowl of strawberry cheesecake ice cream in front of her.

"Is AJ my daddy now?"

I stopped in my tracks, sitting the dish towel I was holding across the handle on the oven before turning back to her.