starting over • book 3 of cdls

• 3

He stood up and kissed me one last time. "Now go turn off the lights am cuddle with me." I said. He chuckled and turned the light off.

He laid beside me and put his head on my chest. "Aren't you glad we had kids? without them you would still be flat chested." He commented. I started laughing and played with his hair.

"I didn't check on the boys." I frowned. "They're fine." He said. I took his word for it and continued playing with his hair. "Good night Hayes." I said, as I could hear him starting to snore.

"Love you baby." He said.

I shifted myself so that I was comfortable and went to sleep.

• Middle of the Night •

I could hear someone breathing really hard and it didn't sound good. I turned over and opened my eyes and Hayes looked like he was starting to panic. "What's wrong?" I asked, sitting up.

He started sweating and I went downstairs, getting him a water bottle. I went back upstairs and he was laying down, continuing to breath hard. I think he was having a panic attack, but I wasn't sure.

I gave him the water and he drank it. "Calm down." I said, rubbing his back. I kept asking if he needed something, but he would just shake his head "I just need you." He said.

I didn't know what was wrong and it was scaring me. Hayes could have health problems and I wouldn't even know.

I cuddled into him and he seemed to be calming down. "Shh." I said, grabbing his hand. I rubbed his hand with my thumb and he was soon sleeping again.

I couldn't sleep at all, so I just laid there, making sure he was alright.

• Next Morning •

Hayes was still sleeping and I had grabbed my lap top. I searched 'Panic Attack' because I don't know what happened to Hayes last night, but it scared me and this wasn't the first time it's happened.

It's only happened twice but it was still serious. I looked at the symptoms and I'm guessing he did have a panic attack because he had trouble breathing, he was sweating, and his heart was racing.

Reading all of these things about panic attacks really scared me. Hayes woke up as if nothing happened. "Hayes, baby. What happened last night?" I asked. "What are you talking about?" He asked, walking to the bathroom.

"You had a panic attack." I said, following him. He laughed and shook his head, "I slept the whole night." He said. "This isn't a joke, this is serious." I said. "Tell me what caused it." I said folding my arms.

"It just happened." He shrugged. "It didn't just happen." I mumbled. He started brushing his teeth and I folded my arms.

"I'm fine." He said, once he finished.

"You're not going to class today and I'm leaving the kids with Cameron. We're going to get this treated." I said.

"No, we don't need to." He said. "I read that the sooner you get treated the sooner it will stop. if you let it continue it will become a disorder Hayes. I don't care if I have drag you in there, you're going." I said.

"I'm no-" I cut him off. "Get dressed right now." I said in the most serious tome. He went to the closet and I brushed my teeth, getting ready, just as he was.

Once I was dressed, I went to the boys room and Hayes had already gotten them ready. "Let's go." He mumbled, carrying them downstairs. I sighed and followed him downstairs.

I texted Cameron, telling him we were on our way there. Hayes strapped the kids in and I grabbed their bag. I got in the drivers seat and Hayes got in the passengers seat.

I put my seatbelt on and started driving. I glanced over at him and he just stared ahead.

When I got to Cameron's house, Hayes helped me with the kids. We walked in and he was on the couch. "Hey guys." He said. Hayes didn't respond and I gave Cameron a half smile.

I told him everything and he shooed me off. Hayes and and I left and I drove to the hospital.

•

"Are you doing to stay?" The doctor asked me.

"Yes." I said, which Hayes replied with "No." the same time. "What?" I asked. "Just wait." He said.

"I need to know what he says." He said. "Before you do."

I don't know why he's doing this, but I knew this was more serious than I thought. "I'm not leaving you." I told him. "Baby trust me, please just wait." He told me.

I sighed and left room. Lately I just worry about so much and I've been trying not to worry, but I can't help it. Knowing that Hayes might not be okay is scary.

•
After waiting for seemed like forever, Hayes came out. "What?" I asked. "I'm fine." He said. I wanted to slap him and tell him he wasn't. I was tired of him saying he's okay when I know he's not.

"Okay." I said. He gave me a surprised look and we walked back to the car. I'm going to find out what the doctor said. When we got back to Cameron's house, Hayes went to talk to him and I went to the bathroom.

I called the doctor and he answered. "Hayes wasn't sure what the problem was, so can you clarify?" I asked. "Hayes wakes up in the middle of the night because he worries. The dreams he has are terrifying and that's what triggers the panic attack." He said.

I didn't even know what to say. He continued and when he was done, I thanked him.

I hung up and say on the toilet. I sat there worrying and thinking about the worst things possible. "Kaye." I heard Hayes knocking. "Yeah?" I said, clearing my throat.

He opened the door and closed it. "What did you dream about?" I asked getting straight to the point. "Why do you ask?" He asked.

"Tell me." I said. "We have to go." He said and left. I rolled my eyes and groaned aggravated. I wanted to know what he was dreaming about. I left the bathroom and Hayes had already gotten the kids strapped in.

He got in the drivers seat and I sat in the passengers seat.

I'm going to find out wether has wants to tell me or not.

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what is causing the panics attacks??

OMG did you guys see the dress? I'm so confused with that like I saw gold and white and now I'm seeing black and blue lol