Inside The House

XX

"Life is a stage, and the people on it are the actors" - with these words my teacher Izabella began Friday's classes in "cultural knowledge". The quotation she quoted contained a universal truth with which I partly agreed. Each of us plays a role in life. In this case, Rayan seemed to me the most enigmatic of all the "actors in life" I've ever met. Brutal, arrogant, and self-confident, he took on the role of a loving and caring brother to his sister. From the moment I saw him like that, I wanted or even had to believe, that the way he is every day is just a cover around what he hides deep inside. Maybe he was afraid of compromising? Maybe he didn't want anyone to see weaknesses in him? I don't agree with the statement that caring and affection are signs of weakness, although the psychology of the doberman was not for me to figure out. Just as strange to me was the feeling of genuine affection for an eighteen year old. Perhaps I had been repressing the possibility of liking him before? Maybe because of everything that had happened, I didn't want to see him as anything other than a boor and a simpleton? Unlike Elizabeth, who accepted the news of my dilemmas about the boy with a hint of distaste but no surprise at the same time, Aurelia was quite shocked. She was not jealous, neither was she happy. In fact, she was neither sad nor angry. She herself did not know how to interpret my words "I like him". I didn't quite understand them myself either.

I didn't see Rayan until the first class today at school. We didn't talk in person, just waved a paw at each other in greeting. Then a bit on Messenger about what to watch out for when playing our role. We didn't say a word about my Wednesday visit to his house. I continued to feel shame about my suspicions about the boy. I continued to feel stupid for having so rudely barged in on him. I deserved to feel that way about myself. I don't think I've ever violated anyone's privacy like I did in that moment.

The first couple lined up in front of the classroom blackboard and started acting out some comedy. Watching them play their parts, I wished I had their lines to play instead of the ones I had with Rayan. It was unfair. Other students had some loose roles that didn't require too much commitment. Many of them, didn't even have to touch each other on stage. I was a little apprehensive about this, because lately the touch of a boy's strong hands had made my sexual instincts awaken. There was no denying that Rayan had all the physical attributes I liked best. That moment had been strange, disturbing and embarrassing. Now the situation was saved by the fact that I was highly stressed. I was afraid of this speech. I was afraid of how Rayan would behave, how I would behave, how our whole class would behave and what the teacher Izabella would say. Additionally, it turned out that the teacher judged the students harshly.

The grading system in this country was somewhat similar to that of the United States. Here, grades were given on the basis of numbers, which indicated the quality of passing exams or tests. The scale was six-fold, where a "one" meant failing, failing, and a "six" meant an outstandingly good result. Between these extremes were the other numbers. A grade of "two" was for students who miraculously passed, "three" for completely average or weak students. "Four" was considered a normal and neutral grade, balancing between nerds and slackers. Before the "six," of course, there was the "five," which was given only to ambitious students.

Izabella's grades ranged from "two" to "three." Either she was not in the mood or she thought we were poor artists. I don't know much about acting but it seemed to me that most of the students who had already performed did quite well. Elizabeth and Randal performed an excerpt from the play "The World in the Sun." The play is a variation on the carefree lives of the citizens of this country in the 16th century. It tells the story of siblings who, immersed in their own pleasures, fail to see the possible dangers that could lurk for young people at that time. Their scene presented more of a musical than a scene from the theater. They moved around a lot in front of the class and their spoken lines sounded more like singing. If only we were to present this performance... I would come up with some appropriate steps and the whole scene would come out perfectly. Teacher Izabella must have been quite pleased with their performance because she inserted a "three plus" grade for Elizabeth and Randal. That plus didn't change much in the end, but it was the highest grade anyone had gotten so far.