STOP IT!... please. Draco ff

6: exposed

He dropped my arm in shock and I quickly his it behind my back again. But he gave me a look in the eyes that was a overwhelming mix of, sorrow, worry, anger, confusion, dominance, and most of all pleading. I knew it would be worse any other way so I gave in to his silent demand and brought my arm back in front of me but still hiding it slightly with my other arm. Draco took initiative sensing I most certainly would not and took my wrist in his hand, turning it over to reveal the now full previous state of my arm. Every cut showed a moment of weakness I was too ashamed to share, but here he was, staring at me, more exposed than I ever could be.
Draco: "god baby" he trailed one finger down the slight bumps of the scars, I winced not because it hurt but because I felt so ashamed being utterly, and truly naked in front of him.
Draco: "why?" What a simple question, how I wish there was a simple answer there are many things that trigger me in this way, god knows I've got enough issues for a lifetime but I guess each time it's ultimately...
Y/n: "...To stop thinking." Draco seemed to dwell on that for a few seconds still caressing my arm, then suddenly I was in his arms, the safest place, the best place. I let myself breakdown, crying onto his chest he lifted my thighs and I wrapped round him like a koala, with one hand supporting me on my back and the other stroking my hair he let me dampen his bare shoulder with my tears. I felt pathetic crying like this but I didn't know how to stop, at least I wasn't having an anxiety attack I'm not ready to burden him with one of those.
Draco: "never again baby never again" I knew that would be an impossible promise if I made it and I always try to avoid those so instead I said
Y/n: "I haven't, not once, not since we've been together"
Draco: "and the last time"
Y/n: "the morning we woke up together after the party... Just after you left"
Draco: "why"
Y/n: "I thought I didn't deserve you, that you couldn't possible care about me"
Draco: "and why the hell would you think that"
Y/n: "Pansy... and my parents. She talked about them, how they don't care, which is true I accepted that a long time ago, I just didn't want it to be true for you too"
Draco: "I fucking swear that bitch-"
Y/n: "please don't hate me" I looked down begging him
Draco: "what the, y/n y/m/n Beaux, don't ever lower you head about this again you hear me!" I nodded looking back up at him "I could never, would never hate you, especially for this, all I see is battles that you have won, horrible battles, that you were strong enough to fight through, and who doesn't emerge from battle with a couple battle scars"
Y/n: "but it's more than a couple I'm disgusting"
Draco: "talk down to yourself one more time darling I will take you over my lap right now" I knew he was serious but he said it with such a loving tone and I was still wrapped round his torso so the intimidating effect of our usual height difference was also lost.
Y/n: "sorry" he growled
Draco: "apologize one more time and the same offer stands"
Y/n: "okay" I hoped that was a safe reply and I looked into his eyes as I said it just to make sure
Draco: "good girl" he tapped my bum signaling me to get down but I didn't want to, one because it was so comforting in his arms, two because right now my arm was safely hidden behind his back, so I just tightened myself round his torso "darling" he warned and I hopped down putting my arm back behind me as I did. Draco sighed but thankfully didn't make me show my arm again. Instead he gave me a pair or his boxers and my robes. I looked at him questioningly
Draco: "what it's not like you have any of your own underwear" that was true so I just shrugged and put them on, surprisingly they were super comfy.
Y/n: "these are so comfortable, there not to big either, how did girls end up with thongs and boys get these great things"
Draco: "they fit because they're new, you have a nice ass, and I haven't stretched them out yet" he winked at me and I blushed remembering what I thought last night "and i heard thongs are actually quite comfortable, but in my underwear you almost look just as sexy"
Y/n: "true thongs are alright, but these are so much better than regular knickers"
Draco: "I wouldn't mind if you wear my underwear all the time, provided I can take it off every once in a while of course" I blushed and smacked his arm forgetting I was still just in his t-shirt. I quickly pulled my arm back.
Draco: "baby... You don't need to hide your scars from me, if it makes you uncomfortable I understand but I hope you can trust me enough to comfortable with me one day" I wasn't sure what to say so I said nothing.

Once we were ready we went down to the great hall for lunch everyone was there eyeing us with smirks. As soon as we sat down Avery grabbed my hands and made me tell her as much as she could get out of me, which was very little but even the smallest, vaguest detail excited her.
Avery: "omg he's big isn't he you can tell from a man's hands, and Draco has big muscular hands"
Y/n: "omg Avery yes fine he's big no more questions okay"
Avery: "fine, I know it was good though, Blaise told me" she said to the table
Blaise: "hey don't rat me out"
Draco: "what does she mean"
Blaise: "well the silencing charm may have worked but I could still feel the bumping from Crabbe and Goyle's room." He smirked at Draco "you fucked her good didn't you" I thought Draco would stop him but instead
Draco: "she deserves only the best" I punched him repeatedly in return. Everyone laughed at me and Draco but mainly me since my punches were obviously doing nothing to him. This morning was a big deal for me, as I expect it is for Draco even if he seems composed and strong for me. I decided I would restrict my food extra, to feel better and pay for being so careless today.

It was Thursday. I'd been restricting my food but it didn't feel as gratifying as before, also Draco was acting strange around me now, different, like he saw me as different now, pansy figured out the night I was gone I was with Draco and since then upped her verbal assault. She'd also procured herself a group of girls to be a bitch with and they joined in the fun too. Once one of them punched me in the stomach walking last me in a corridor but it was never worse than that. Finally the end of term assessments were coming up, as always I was behind, this time I was actually really stressed because I completely didn't understand this whole topic in DADA. All put together I was not doing well and starved myself since Tuesday to feel better since just restricting food wasn't helping. I wanted to cut myself once but I went and hung out with Avery for a bit to stop myself. She was so great and I explained to her how I was upset Draco seemed to act differently now he knew, she comforted me and we watched TV in the common room. She wanted to help with my DADA work but she did it last year and wasn't really able to help. But now I was sitting in my room, on my bed, skipping lunch, again, with a headache all over and my pocket knife in my hand... Crying. I wasn't really crying I had too many thoughts to comprehend once to actually cry about, it was more like tears just fell out my eyes because my brain was to distracted to keep them in anymore. Finally giving in and bringing the knife down down to my arm I made a small slice, it had been so long since it cut and I drowned in the familiar relief, completely disconnected from my surroundings and my thoughts. I began a deeper cut, blood quickly poured out in the slipstream of the blade, I was pressing down to make another cut when my wrists were suddenly pinned down onto the mattress and the knife flew out my hand across the room. Draco's face was in front of me. I wasn't in my right mind right now so the response that came from my lips was
Y/n: "don't stop me" this was not received well...
Draco: "what the hell are you thinking y/n, you said never again!"
Y/n: "I didn't... I never promised, I worded my reply just so"
Draco: "well I don't care, I said never again! And I am going to stop you"
Y/n: "it's a bit late babe, you got my blood all on your hand" this was true where he pinned me made the blood flow towards his hand
Draco: "I don't fucking care I'm staying here until you won't hurt yourself anymore"
Y/n: "you'll be with me a long time"
Draco: "well I plan to stay with you forever anyway so that won't deter me"
Y/n: "it should" I said simply
Draco: "well tough I think you're worth it and I love you"
Y/n: "what?..." Did he just say he loved me!?
Draco: "I love you y/n"
Y/n: "no! Stop don't love me you're wasting your time, I'm a broken mess, who you just found cutting herself and hasn't eaten in three days, I'm and awful person, don't love me, it's not worth it, I'll just burden you and pull you down, i-"
Draco: "STOP IT JUST STOP IT!... please. Darling you can't turn away love from others, you may deny it from yourself, but I will make you accept mine whether you love me back or not" I was shocked when he said that.
Y/n: "I do love you babe, im-" I stopped myself apologizing knowing how much Draco hates it. "I am so overwhelmed by everything, exams, you, pansy, her friends, everything!"
Draco: "right first thing, you haven't eaten in three days!?" I nodded "why?"
Y/n: "because I should, and it makes me feel... Acceptable"
Draco: "not you shouldn't and acceptable as opposed to?..."
Y/n: "fat, disgusting"
Draco: "bullshit, you are always always will be beautiful... Second point why was I in that list of stresses?"
Y/n: "I thought you felt differently about me after finding out, you were being different, I didn't like it"
Draco: "I'm sorry darling, I didn't want to hurt you, I was scared if I was around you too much I'd lose control and take you right there"
Y/n: "I want that though Draco"
Draco: "alright I promise to stop acting weird"
Y/n: "thanks baby"
Draco: "let's get you cleaned up... And I'm confiscating this, next time come to me darling, ok?"
Y/n: "I'll try" Draco used a spell to heal my wounds and they covered over without a mark I was upset when the pain suddenly faded, but Draco helped me and we talked for a while. He also helped me with my DADA work and made me eat half a small portion of pasta. I love him...