kageyama tobio oneshots || 凸( ' ﾛ ' )凸

Don't Leave Me Yet

osakage: romantic

format: letter

genres: angst- no comfort- slow burn (?)

not a request

( sad jazz music or just slow sad songs are recommended to listen to as you read, such as the artist chet baker )

( and envisioning the scenes make it a bit more sadder so do that )

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Dear Kageyama,

Hey. I know this letter won't reach you- or anyone for that matter, but I'm writing this anyway. I need to clear my consciousness.

I have regrets.

And I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I ruined everything. I'm so sorry. You won't get any of it back. And well, I can't do this anymore. I wish I did more for you.

I should've taken you to that restaurant you've been begging to go to. You would've looked so happy, so excited to be able to sit in those fancy booths with gold cloths over the table. We could've ordered calamari, that dish you've always wanted to try, or eat the complimentary breadsticks you always stuffed your mouth with even before getting the entree. And we could've bought the baked salmon that you would always call 'rich people food' or take a dive at the escargot you would stare at with disgusted eyes. You were so funny. I want to laugh again, like before. We would've laughed at how full we were at the end of the meal, and taken each other home after stumbling steps and low chuckles. I'm sorry, I should've done that.

I should've bought those tickets to the amusement park. You would've been terrified of getting on the roller coasters, but you would've still had a blast with your hair whipping through the air. We could've gotten funnel cake and drizzled it with chocolate sauce and proceeded to worry about whether we would throw up on the ride. We could've played at stalls and I could've won a bear plushie for you. We could've ridden the Ferris wheel that you've always called a romantic getaway. And then we could've taken stupid selfies of us and share them with Atsumu to piss him off because he couldn't join in on the fun. I'm sorry, I didn't want to leave my bed that day to do that.

I should've slow-danced with you in the living room. We could've swayed with each other, giggling as Frank Sinatra and the Ink Spots played in the background. We could've acted like those old couples in movies and held onto each other dearly. I could've twirled you around and embraced you as if you would disappear from my arms. You would've had that cheeky, yet pure smile on your face, the one I knew was genuine. I'm sorry, I should've grabbed your offering hand instead of laughing it off.

You never minded if I said no to something, but you should've. If only you bugged me about it until I agreed, we could've had so much more memories than we had now.

You never asked for much. If I were to judge, I'd say I'm the needier one in the relationship. But there was one thing you asked for. A proposal. I know you were thinking it, but you never voiced it out. Until one day, you asked me when we were cleaning up the house. It was so out of the blue. I didn't know how to respond. But at the moment, I needed more time. I told you that. You understood and took it well, respecting my decision and even flashing a reassuring glance my way. But I saw it. I saw the sorrow in those eyes of yours. I didn't know what it was before, but now I do. You were disappointed. But you still kept on trudging through it without me even knowing.

But I had everything ready, the reserved balcony for just the two of us, the day, the limousine, the ring. A silver ring with a single rose quartz stud in the middle. Though rose quartz might not be the crystal you would expect to have on a ring, it held meaning. Rose quartz represents unconditional love and helps open your heart to your partner, and I wanted that for you and myself. Nothing too extravagant, but not too simple. But I pushed it back and back and back until I was finally gaining the guts to do it. I only got them recently, but what good is it going to do me if you're not even here for me to propose to. I should've proposed to you earlier. I'm sorry, I was still so nervous that you would've rejected me.

My biggest regret was that night. The night you left.

I should've ran after you. I should've grabbed your hand as you were leaving the door, fuming with rage, but I thought it was best to leave you to cool off. I shouldn't have thought that. It messed everything up. I could've avoided this outcome multiple times. Should've avoided that stupid, petty argument of ours in the first place. Even holding you back for a few seconds could probably have made you avoid that car. The drunk driver. The accident. We could've apologized to each other but now we can't, the doctors say aren't very hopeful that you'll wake up. But it has to be possible. I know you're too stubborn to go down like that. You still need to practice with your teammates to win the Olympics. I'll have to remind you to eat healthy as well. Just like before.

You still want to play volleyball, don't you? Of course, you do. You look so carefree as you play, your deep scowl softens a bit, but you could only tell if you've looked at your face to memorize how it looks normally, which only allowed me to notice. I want to be able to make you feel that free. I want to give you freedom. I want you.

I miss cooking breakfast in the morning and still being somewhat drowsy with you. I miss being able to kiss you and you kissing back. I miss stuffing our faces with ramen and katsu at our favorite restaurant. I miss walking in the park with you and seeing your eyes stare in awe at the autumn trees.

I miss you. I want you back. I know I'm selfish, but what else can I say? I love you.

When are you coming back? You still haven't woken up. Everyone is waiting for you. Hinata, Sugawara, Miwa, Yachi, Atsumu, Hoshiumi, Ushijima, and even Tsukishima are waiting. I know you're making some comments about how no one cares for you, but you're wrong. You have a lot of people. The Karasuno team, the Schweiden Alders, the Japan National Team, and your fans always cared and they still care about you, so come back for them at least.

Are you dreaming? Are you happy in your sleep? Do you know who long you've been in there? How are you feeling? Are you playing volleyball in your dream like the volleyball addict you are? Or are you fantasizing about the things that could've been, like us? Do you miss me?

Do you even remember me? I surely hope so. I don't know what I would do if you forgot about me. Forgot about us.

When you wake up, will you still love me or will you have moved on? The thought alone hurts to think about. It'll hurt if it does happen. It will hurt a lot. I don't think I'll be able to keep going.

I don't care what it takes, I will do anything to see those blue eyes of yours open once more. Or see the way your silky black hair flowed gracefully in the winter wind. And even the way your smile would start out as an awkward smirk, but then turn into a blinding source of happiness. I would do anything for you. Anything for you to wake up.

Please. Please wake up. We still need to make memories together.

I still need to marry you. You still need to meet my parents. I need to meet your grandfather at the grave and get his blessing. I can't lose you yet, we're still so young. I won't be able to handle it. I can't. I can't do this anymore. I need you. Please. It hurts, Tobio. It hurts so much.

I love you, don't leave me by myself. Please.

From,
Osamu

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notes:

imo, nobody talks about how many people kageyama becomes friends with in the timeskip like he's so much more social now :DD so i sort of incorporated it in this

and i feel like osamu isn't one to really show his appreciation towards his partner and just internally loves them yknow ?? but it's only a hc of mine

i tried to make it an angst letter, but i feel like it wasn't sad enough tbh bc it didn't have enough build up i think

sorry for how short this one is :/ , but dw !! there will be a guaranteed much longer one next :)

( and if you made a request, sorry but it may be a long while until it comes out, pls be patient with me. im really bad at this stuff LOL )