hell or flying | Chaelisa

Chapter 41

"I can't lose you again," her knees quivered, and I caught her just before she could fall to the ground. However, unable to hold myself up anymore either, I slid down to the floor as gracefully as I could, cradling a sobbing Lisa in my arms as I pushed her up to my chest.

Pressing my lips to the crown of her head, I muffled my sobs in her hair as I held onto her tightly, scared that if I loosened my hold around her just the tiniest bit, she would disappear. That she would evaporate and dissolve into thin air like she was never there in the first place. I was so terrified of losing her that not feeling her heart beating frantically against her ribcage, mirroring my own, has become something unimaginable.

I had to know she was real, that she was here, and that she wasn't going anywhere. Needed to know that despite all that I've done, she would stay. So I held on, let my body endure her punches, let it swallow up her tremors and sobs, let it take away her anguish with my beating heart that was only functioning for her. Because she had all of me, she always would. And though I was in pain just like she was, I would choose this over and over again if it meant I could hold her for just a minute longer, knowing she was safe and sound. Knowing that my reckless decision didn't cost her her life.

"I am so sorry," I echoed the same four words for what felt like the hundredth time in the past ten minutes, yet I would keep repeating it over and over until I was forgiven. I let it spill from my lips like a prayer for all eternity until it was heard.

"Don't you ever," she pulled her face away, her index finger digging into my chest as she spoke, "do that again. You hear me? Don't ever fucking do that again, please," her voice broke with the plead and my heart wrenched in my chest at the state of the miserable woman who seemed to be barely holding on. If only she knew I was barely holding on as well. Because have it not been for her in my embrace, I would have lost it.

I didn't even want to imagine what would follow if I found her lifeless body lying on the floor, knowing it was all my fault. My mind would probably split. My body would be taken over by rage I would drive to his house myself and personally decapitate him from taking my love away. I would never be able to forgive him or forgive myself if something had happened tonight. But thankfully, there wasn't a scratch on her beautiful body. She was alive, and aside from her current mental state, she was okay. Her heart was beating and there was blood flowing through her veins, and that was all that matter to me.

"I'm right here," I whispered into her hair as she collapsed into my chest again, "I'm right here,"

"Rosie—"

"Shh," I stopped her before she could speak any further, "It's okay. We're okay,"

"I don't know what I would do," she cried, softer this time, and my heart clenched.

"Me neither," I wept, my tears falling onto her hair, "I don't know what I would have done if I lost you. I was so scared, so fucking scared that I would come back—" my voice cracked as I sobbed violently at the mere thought, "and that—... and that you... that you wouldn't be—" another miserable sob tore through my throat, my heart shriveling up in my chest painfully, as I squeezed her tight.

"I'm okay," she assured, "I'm okay Rosie, I promise,"

"I-I love you," I told her, my voice hoarse and laced with pain and nothing but utmost sincerity, for I knew I'd rather die than watch her leave first.

"I love you too," she reciprocated, kissing my exposed sternum as she fastened her arms around my body, leaning her body weight against me, "so much,"

...

I couldn't tell you how long we stayed there, weeping in our joined embrace, mumbling words of love, sadness, pain, and reassurance, neither of which fell upon deaf ears. We spoke our words, while our hearts spoke theirs in a language only they could understand. But I could feel it.