Melancholic (BxB)

Chapter 3

"Ugh, why won't you die? You stupid piece of..."

'DEFEAT'

Oh great, I lost, Again. I can't even win in a video game. Come to think of it I always play badly when I'm not in a good mood. How could I be in a good mood when my life's falling apart?

Things didn't go according to plan and now somebody knew my secret and blackmailed me in exchange for his silence. And god knows how long he'd keep his mouth shut.

I mean it's not like I can offer him anything valuable. He'll get bored soon and just tell everyone about my secret. Why does these sort of things only happen to me? One minute I'm happy that I confessed to my friends, next minute my life shatters right in front of my eyes.

You know what's funny? I genuinely thought that if people found out that I'm gay they wouldn't care but boy was I stupid. It's clear that everyone will react just like Andrew did. My teachers, my classmates, my family, they would never look at me the same way. And it sucks that I have to go through this. Why don't straight people have to hide their true nature?

This world is so unfair and sometimes I feel like no matter how evolved humans become the main picture will never change. If you're different from normal you'll never be truly accepted by society. They might not throw rocks at you but that doesn't mean they like you. They always say how supportive they are towards gay people but they'd rather not have gay children themselves.

It's not like we were the ones that asked to be like this. It would be so much easier if I was just like everybody else but I'm not. And there's nothing I can do to change that. It's not my fault that I was born like this so why am I getting punished for being myself?

I just wish there was something I could do to change the world's point of view. I wish homophobic people would become gay for one day and maybe then they'd be able to see how painful it is to be "unnatural".

Maybe then they'd stop being so hateful towards others. But I don't actually think that would change anything. Why? Because their hate isn't even rational. They hate us because we're proud of who we are but in reality they are too scared to deal with their own insecurities so they start throwing all this hatred towards us.

I'm not even asking this for myself because I know that it's too late for me now. I'm just hoping that one day the world will change so much that people like me won't ever have to go through the pain that I experienced. Is that too much to ask for?

Why is there so much hate on earth? Why can't everyone just get along? Why can't we be accepted as we are?

It's not like gay peoples' existence affects straight people in any way. So why are they so bothered if there's a guy who kisses another guy somewhere?

I can never have a normal life can I? I'll always feel like I have to hide from something or someone. Even if I move to another city or even country, I don't think I'll ever feel safe. Is this my life? Is this how I'm supposed to live? And here I thought when I grew up all my problems would just disappear. But now I can't even catch my breath.

I remember as a child how I always dreamed about magical worlds where I would fight against forces of evil with swords but that of course will never happen. I'll probably end up being miserable in the future, running from my problems and never facing them. Can you blame me? I guess you could do that but it won't change a thing. I'll still be insecure little boy from a small town who'll do anything to keep his secret hidden.

Who am I kidding? I'm already miserable. I never thought about the future as a kid. All I cared about was getting good grades because that's what my parents told me to do. They told me that friends and relationships weren't as important as my homework so I listened to them. I stayed home and studied. When I got bored I'd play video games and that was basically my life. I mean, it still is.