Insanity is the Best Form of Happiness || Frerard

14.) Dead!

-Frank's POV-

Gerard was driven to the hospital as soon as the ambulance arrived. He'd already lost a lot of blood and his survival was uncertain.

We were in the hospital now, they had Gee hooked up to so many machines, jabbing IVs in his arms. His heartbeat was slow and faint but it was still there. I was getting sick to my stomach like the kind of sick when you cried for a long time and you feel like you're gonna puke. Adorable, right?

I looked over at Gerard and there were so many doctors and nurses standing around him, I couldn't comprehend it all. He had ventilators breathing for him and 3 IVs stabbed into his arms. If he woke up, he'd have a panic attack as soon as he saw all the needles. It would be lights out for Gerard.

The workers were trying to stabilize him, draining blood out of his lungs and checking over to see the tidal volume on his vent. There were fancy medical terms being thrown left and right so I decided I needed a break and headed for the cafeteria for a big cup of coffee.

I needed something to take my mind off of all the things that are happening right now. The scalding, black coffee burned the back of my throat like a brush fire but in some odd way, it was everything I needed. It almost felt soothing as the pain in my throat left and quickly return with each gulp. I couldn't even taste the coffee anymore; my tastebuds were burnt like trees in a forest fire and I could tell I'd somehow manage to regret this later but now was now and this was a mean of coping.

Heading for the coffee machine, I got another cup of coffee and went back to Gerard's room to see if there was any news. Nothing traumatic had happened within the last 10 minutes and considering it was 10 pm, one of the nurses came over to me and told me I should go home and sleep. I took the professional's advice and went out to Gerard's car.

I got in the driver's side and the whole car smelled like him. It was unnerving and traumatizing at the same time. I turned the key in the ignition, trying to hold myself together until I got back to the apartment. It was difficult but I made my way down the different roads underneath the dimly-lit sky. After exiting the car, I locked it, making my way up the numerous flights of stairs. The elevator took too long and I didn't feel like being around people. I shoved the key into the lock, turning it to the left and unlocking the door. Quickly locking it, I threw the keys into the key-holder and ran back to the bedroom. Throwing my clothes off and trading them for pajamas, I threw myself into the bed, flinging the covers over my face and deeply inhaling the beautiful scent on Gerard's side of the bed. I started crying uncontrollably as my body racked with sobs. Eventually it all calmed to a subtle whimper and I drifted off to sleep.

-TIME LAPSE-

It was only 4 am and I was already awake. I'd had a nightmare that I don't wish to share. I'd woken up multiple times throughout the night but this time I couldn't fall back under sleep's spell.

I got up, waddling out to the kitchen to grab a beer from the fridge. I cracked open the can, taking my first sip. At first, the flavor was repulsive but it calmed my nerves just a little. The flavor no longer bothered me and all that I could feel was the alcohol slightly burning and a slight haze forming in my mind.

I went through Gerard's nightstand, finding an old pack of cigarettes and a lighter at the bottom of the drawer. I stepped out onto the balcony, glad there was an ash tray out here yet. Spinning the wheel, I sparked the flame, igniting the end of the beautiful Cancer stick. The smoke burned my lungs but I inhaled deeper. Exhaling, I watched as the smoke clouded effortlessly in front of my face.

I continued inhaling the nicotine until I got to the cigarettes filter. It dropped into the ash tray as I smashed down the flame, watching it crumble like my sanity.