What There Once Was Pairings | Loki Laufeyson x Reader Warnings | kissing, implied smut, implied loss of virginity Word count | 1k Summary | you can't help but think about Loki, even though he's gone
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
You sat quietly beside the window, closed eyes as you listened to the rhythm of gentle waves hitting the rocks, lapping against the jagged edge. You hadn't moved in days, but no one had really noticed.
Thor was off being a God with The Gardians and Valkyrie was still trying to help the other Asgardians settle in in their new home. That meant you were left alone; no one bothered to check on you, and you didn't much care.
It was almost permanent now - the reddened puff that was the swell of your broken eyes, tears threatening but never arriving. You'd cried so many since his death that you had most probably ran out, or maybe it wasn't sadness you felt anymore.
Yes, that was it. The sadness had dissipated, evaporated into something much worse; emptiness. The hollow feeling of guilt - was it guilt? Or was it just regret? Well, whatever it was at this point, it was crushing. Truly, it felt as if someone had plucked your soul from your body like a grape, held it between two fingers before your face, and crushed it. Like it was nothing.
And maybe it was nothing. Maybe you were better off now - uncaring, unfeeling, unhappy. Wait, unhappy? That wasn't a good enough analogy to what you felt, no. What you felt was more like a mind-shattering cripple, one that ripped you from the top of your skull straight through your feet like you were made of paper.
His mischievous smirk that somewhat made up for a smile haunted you, the slick, black hair like crown atop his perfect head. To you, Loki had always been perfect. A God literally and metaphorically, with his slender, yet strong build and his quirky personality. Not to mention his gorgeous eyes - ones you could get lost in for days; Loki's eyes were like a raging sea of blue that flickered to green - as if they couldn't make up their mind as to what they wanted to be.
This could reflect on Loki, in a way. You see, as his maid he confided a lot it you. You tended to him through the years, the small job paying for your life in Asgard. You'd draw his baths, return his clothes from being washed, help him patch up any wound he'd sustain when Thor would drag him off to battle.
What the God of mischief probably failed to realise was that he was a talker. He couldn't seem to help it; words could tumble over each other on there way down from his perfectly-pink lips and he didn't seem to care. You always listened, greatly intrigued by his stories.
Eventually, he must've notice his word vomit. You could tell because over time, the things he began to share were a lot more...personal. One of these many things being that, as reflected in the indeterminateness of his eyes, he was gender fluid.
Of course you weren't in the least bit surprised; after all, you'd spent so much down-time with him that it actually made a lot of sense. You felt so privileged, so...special, that he had been able to confide such a thing in you.
You'd been so elated, in fact, that you'd kissed him. The way he'd tensed up, muscles freezing, when your lips first met his made you instantly regret the choice. You'd made a quick attempt at pulling away, but his nimble fingers tangling into your hair and his arm pulling you flush against his chest stopped you.
Loki's lips against yours felt like heaven. Soft and smooth, his tongue prodding at the seam of your own lips. It was perfect. Eventually you'd pulled away, breathless, to look up at a grinning Loki through thick lashes. The slight glint to his eye made the corners of your lips tug up into a soft, warm smile.
"That was lovely, darling." He'd said through a gentle pant, but before you got the chance to respond, his lips were moving against yours again.
That night he took your virginity, slow and sensual. It was a dream, if you were being honest. He was so considerate, so caring.
It's not a surprise that you fell in love with him so quick.
Then he died. The first time. And it shattered your heart. You cried for days; you never left his chambers, even when Thor tried to pick you up and carry you out. Over your time with Loki, Thor had become like a brother to you too. Even though you and Loki had agreed to tell no one about your relationship, Thor had been quick to work it out.
And now it was the same - except there was no Thor to drag you away from the wreckage, to pull you out of the pain. So you sat there, and you would remain there until someone pulled you out.
Secretly, wistfully, you hoped it to be Loki. You hoped that your lover would not leave you again, that he was truly still alive. You hoped that Loki would come and whisk you away, take you somewhere far from the dangers of the world.
But you knew it wouldn't happen, so you sat. Unmoving, barely breathing, as a single tear rolled down your cheek. Oh well, the sadness seemed to remain after all.
