Always Remember

XIV.

[A long overdue chapter! Thanks for getting Always Remember to 2000 reads. You're all amazing, thank you for reading.]

When I open my eyes, Draco is still sleeping beside me. Seeing his white-blond hair strewn across my pillow makes butterflies in my chest, a part of me feeling like I had a wonderful dream to wake up and find that it was true. He came back for me.

But after a moment, the bliss subsided. Heartache starts to bleed through the good feelings when I start to remember how he left me in the first place. I forgave him, invited him into my bed, so why did I still feel like a part of me couldn't let that go?

I get out of bed, trying my best to move quietly so I don't wake Draco, but somehow he feels the shift in the bed, and his eyes flutter open. He only lets out a quiet moan, and lazily grabs my arm to pull me into him. He wraps his arms around me, squeezing me into his bare chest. I admit the warmth of his skin, the intimacy, is nice and I feel myself lean into him, but the feeling that something wrong nags me still.

Is it supposed to be easy to let him back into my bed like normal even after having to sleep without him for days?

"What's wrong?" he asks, his voice still slightly mumbling from his sleepiness. My body stills from surprise. How could he tell there was something wrong? I wait a moment to think of the best way to explain it before answering.

"I- I don't know," I say, my nerves stopping me from saying what I've been thinking. Seeing him sleeping peacefully in my bed after I had waited, worrying, staying up all night in the very same bed made me resentful. Ah, that's what it is. Resentment.

Draco takes a breath and loosens his arms to let me go. Telling from his movement I know my answer fully woke him up. He sits up, his eyes open as if he hadn't been sleeping a few moments ago, and studies my face. He reaches up, trailing his thumb against my cheek and I catch a look of sadness in his eyes. He reaches up and gently rubs the crease between my eyebrows, relaxing a frown I wasn't aware I had.

"Please tell me," he says.

"I think I'm still upset... that you left," I answer, turning my head so I don't have to look in his eyes. I hear him let out a long sigh and wait anxiously for a response.

"I know," he says simply and I quickly turn to see his eyes cast down, staring at his hands, "Merlin, I know. I messed up."

There's an awkward silence between us and I catch myself looking all around my room. The headboard of the bed, my nightstand, my window and the curtains, the door, anything not to look at him. I want to tell him it's okay, I want to comfort him, and it takes everything in me to fight off the feeling because, in reality, it isn't truly okay.

"I- I still love you," I blurt out, finding it to be the only way I can comfort him. It's true of course, I do love him, obviously unconditionally, but that kind of love comes with pain. He finally looks up from his hands and takes a hold of mine, bringing it up to his lips.

"I love you too, Y/N. That won't ever change, always remember that."

At this, I lean forward, falling back into his arms. I feel a spark of hope that this feeling will pass, that things will get better between us. Draco starts gently brushing my hair out my face with his fingers and I hear him chuckle, a little laugh that was more of an exhale out the nose.

"Hm?" I ask.

"You're so good to me. I would be a fool to lose you," he answers and he tilts his head to leave a kiss on my forehead, "Let me take you out today."

I find myself chuckling, too, caught off guard by the sudden offer.

"Where would we go?" I ask, trailing my finger up and down his arm mindlessly.