breathless heart - nct, norenmin

💔 15 💔

"hello, jaemin?"

"hey mom."

"how are you feeling?"

"well..." jaemin looked successfully at renjun and at jeno. "i had some problems today..."

jaemin had set the phone on speaker so that both renjun and jeno could hear his mother.

they knew about his condition, so there was nothing to hide anymore.

however, that didn't mean that he would tell his mother about the presence of the two males.

"what happened, jaemin?"

"i... huh... you know i had my comeback today?"

"yes. your first stage." his mother replied.

"so, i performed, and as usual, i felt breathless."

"jaemin, please, i told you to try resting..."

"i know, mom... but it was a live stage. i had to dance and sing for 3 minutes straight."

"jaemin... i'm worried for you... what happened during this stage?"

jaemin sighed.

"i got breathless, because singing and dancing at the same time is pretty hard even when you're healthy. and when we got backstage, i fainted."

jaemin heard his mother blowing air loudly on the other side of the phone.

she was worried.

jaemin knew it.

but what could he do?

he was an idol.

it was his job.

he had to do it.

he couldn't stop...

"jaemin, sweetie... i don't know what to say..."

"i don't know either."

"how are you feeling other than that? are you taking your medicine as you should? and are you getting enough sleep? and eating vegetables?"

"yes mom. twice a day for the medicine, and going to sleep the earlier possible. and about vegetables, i try forcing myself eating as much as possible."

"that's good. hopefully this will make your condition better..." she spoke. "have you noticed ameliorations since you started the medicine?"

jaemin thought for a second, trying to recall his condition around a month ago and nowadays.

at some point, he recalled not even being able to laugh without getting completely out of breath.

now, he had gotten used to his condition, knowing exactly when he had reached his limit.

he had learned how to deal with his lack of breath.

breathing exercises, relaxing... those were things he did often these days.

and it seemed to be working.

he was still very bothered by his breathing, but he knew how to deal with it now.

however, it wasn't an easy thing to do. his heart always managed to surprise him...

"i guess it has..." jaemin told. "but it's still bothering..."

"of course... this is a dangerous disease, sweetie..."

"yeah..."

"i'm scared it will never get much better with your activity..."

jaemin felt both renjun and jeno caressing his shoulders, indirectly telling him that they were here for him, and that jaemin would get better.

"mom, it will get better. you're so pessimistic."

"i'm not so sure... i've seen people with this disease... it's not so easy..."

"what does that mean? mom? you were the one telling me that everything would be alright. why are you speaking like this now?"

jaemin was slightly yelling in the silent dream dorm.

his heart was starting to beat erratically again.

was it because he was scared of what his mother could say?

surely.

"jaemin, i'm trying my best to help you..."

"why are you like this then?!"

"i am scared, sweetie. i am worried for you."

"what does that have to do with my disease?"

at that point, the weak boy was crying as the two other males tried reassuring him and comforting him, rubbing his thighs and cuddling to his side.

and these simple actions made jaemin's heartbeat even more erratic, but would he tell them?

of course, not. he needed these little attentions too much at the moment.

"everything, jaemin. everything!"

"mom, i am healing. i can feel it. it sure is slow, but it's working."

"jaemin, this doesn't mean you'll heal completely."

"of course, it won't if you don't trust it."

"i am a nurse, jaemin. i know the risks. i have the numbers. i know lots of things that you ignore."

"then tell me. i'm sure it's nothing i can't understand."

"the death rate of this disease is higher in asia than in any part of the world. and it's even more dangerous for people who are put under stress."

"i am not stressed, mom." jaemin stated, himself not even believing what he was saying. "and you said that exercising was good to heal this."

"exercising is something, jaemin. training day and night for a comeback is something else. you're not exercising. you're working."

jaemin didn't answer.

he continued sobbing into his hands while leaning on both renjun and jeno for comfort.

so, he was done?

"jaemin, i'm not saying this as a mother that is worried for her only son. i'm saying this as a nurse. this is too risky. you have to stop."

"what does that even mean...?"

there was a long silence.

but jaemin's mother spoke, breaking both the silence, and the three boys' hearts.

"you should leave nct."