Brooklyn Baby

Chapter 15

I sip my beer and then hold my hair up with my left hand.
"What the fuck! Really James?" Lars says with disappointed and surprise. I crooke my eyebrow up and let go of my hair. "What? I wanted a change." I say and drink some more.

"You're matching with Newkid, fucking lame." Lars says and flips his hair. Jason opens his mouth to protest but falls silente as I speak up.
"First of all, fuck you. Secondly, you're not my fucking mother and I can do whatever the fuck I want so keep you nose outta my shit. Third, I'm not fucking matching with this piece of shit, they're thousand people out there with the same haircut and I know you're jealous. Now fuck off and let me pack my shit m fucking hungry." I say and throw my beer can somewhere.

I don't fucking care and I don't have time for Lars's bullshits. "Jealous what!? You both look like posers. Fucking ew." Lars says and leaves. I just roll my eyes and curse under my breath. now Lars ain't gonna stop bitching untill I fucking shave my whole hair off so he'd stop. How can he act so childish sometimes!? Spoiled brat.

I steal a glance at Jason. He's also packing his stuff, his face in a shadow of annoyance. What the- oh right I just called him a piece of shit. Oh come on what did he expect? I call everyone a piece of shit. Fucking hell. I storm out of the room after I tie my hair in a low pony tail. There's no reason but maybe I want to tease Lars a bit.

I meet Kirk on my way to the shity restaurant. "Dude you gotta be fucking shitting me! First the mustache, then the nose ring and now the hair! Fucking killer." Kirk greets me with his sweet presence, and I can't help but smile. "Me and Jason did it last night." I say, uncontrollably feeling a wierd type of pride.

I regret it right the next moment cuz I never call Jason's real name y'know. At least not infront of others. And now I straight ass said Jason with a happy cheerful tone. Why should simple light mood be such an unlucky thing for me.
"You and Jason right?" Kirk says and winks. Ugh fucker. I punch his arm and he breaks into laughter.

"Easy tiger, I was thinking about doing the same shit y'know, cutting my hair like that I was just doubtful." He continues as we walk down the lobby. I look at Kirk's black curls.
"Lars will kill us." I say and Kirk laughs again. "That little motherfucker with his mullet." Kirk says as he imitates Lars's pose.
"Mullet? Don't ever say that my dude if you don't want to meet god personally." I laugh out.

We join Lars on the table and start eating. Let me correct it, I eat the whole table like a starved gorrila while Kirk eats his stupid veggies and fruits like a princess and Lars just keeps on sending me death glares. Who tf eats vegetable in morning?

My thoughts are shut down as Jason joins us, now his thick hair tied up in a high pony with his glasses on. Soon him and Kirk start their own little conversation.
"Fuckers I got an announcement, I gonna shave my sides as well!" Kirk says and drinks from his coke. Yeah such a healthy diet, eat 3000 kilos of fruits then drink coca cola and sniff cocai-- ugh.

"Nice, absolutely fucking not." Lars says and leans back in his seat.
"And why comes that, mom?" Kirk mocks.
"This is fucking Metallica not a kindergarten." Lars says now frowning.
"So?" I say. I don't want to start a fight but like..since when Lars can decide if we can cut our hairs or not? Did we even say anything about his childish mustach back in 1984? Everyone hated it. But we didn't say anything.

"Don't you get it? You look like a fucking poser with that nose ring and all those earings and now your hairstyle. Kirk's like one of those glam rock fuckers, never had the roughness in 'Tallica class. Newfag? He looks 5 with those stupid glasses and hair. You all will make us look like a bunch of posers." Lars says as he rolls his eyes. Jason looks down as always, choosing silence. Kirk's dead inside face stares right into Lars.

"Bullshit." I simply say and take the last bight from my now cold beacon sandwich. Not waiting for another argument, I stand up and leave to have a little chat with the crew. They're my buddies, they're always there to talk with and they don't judge. Well most of them don't. Hours pass and we finally get on the road.

Like always, I crawl into my bunk and close the curtains. Deep inside I hate traveling on bus. I hate everything about busses. I sigh and drink some of my half empty Smirnoff bottle. My mind starts to wonder. How my life has changed in the past three years. Hell, how much I've changed since Cliff's passing. Loss, grief, sorrow, anger, hate and now..my stupid affection towards Jason.
It's not logical, it's not fair. It's just...I'm doubtful. Not about Jason, I'm doubtful about myself. About my thoughts and my feelings. What if I fuck up everything? What if our friendship ruins? What if..what if Metallica gets disbanded? What if I turn my back to my friends without even knowing it? Most of all, what if I hurt Jason? I don't want to hurt him, he's got nothing to do with my fucked up brains.

I close my eyes. We've already crossed that line. And I can't let go,Not now. A bitter sigh leaves my mouth as I notice I ignored Jason for the whole day. I didn't even mean to, it just happened. Fuck Lars and all his bitching. Ugh. Only if I could understand my mind for once.

"Hey..James you up?" A whispere drags me out of my zone. I open the curtains with a light frown just to find Jason standing infront of me, with his dark blue sweater and nerd like square glasses. I can feel my eyes lighten up all of a sudden.

"Sorry, didn't mean to wake you." He whisperes and sits on the dirty ground infornt of me.
"Wasn't asleep, what's wrong?" I say and put away the Smirnoff.
"Nothing, it's just that Lars and Kirk are awfuly quiet and it was getting terribly awkward you know what Im saying?" He says and scratch's the back of his neck.
"Ah..ok?" I say and roll my eyes.
"And I thought your company'd be nice." Jason says, now taking off his glasses.

"...What the fuck man, speak English." I say.
"I wanted to talk to you." Jason says with a crooked smile. I pull his hand and make him sit on the shitty bunk bed.
"Huh well..don't you think we should do something about Lars?" He says and takes the Smirnoff in his hands.
"Like what? He's just being Lars that's all."  
"I feel like something's annoying him."

I snort and look down. "Well you obviously annoy him all the time." I say and regret it right away.
"Uhm.." I clear my throat. "It's just that he's never satisfied." I say and smile awkwardly.
Jason shakes his head. "Dunno man." He says and sighs.

"But why'd you even care. Mind your own business Jase." I say, now leaning forward a bit. Jason smiles as he hears me calling his nickname, which made me feel my heart melt.
"It's all that y'know we're touring together, I want stuff to go easy." He shrugs. I smirk and take a hand through my hair. His friendly behaviour used to piss me off, now I find it easy to tolerate. I even find it soothing and calming. This scared me off but also warmed my heart.

"So Kirk wants to-" my words are cut off by Jason's words "Yeah dude! Imagine we can be a trio now." He giggles. My smirk widens. I now understand why he's happy at this moment. He feels accepted. And let me tell you there's nothing more cheerful to him more than this.

"Ugh then, I'm gonna y'know, go eat something." Jason says and gets up to leave. I nod and shift back in my laying position. My hands search for my dear lovely alchohol but I can't find it. I curse under my breath. Jason left with my beautiful Smirnoff. The voices in my head start to rise again. Only if he knew how hard his presence remains in my headspace day and night. Fuck it all.

I sigh as I tie my hair back once again, going after Jason for snacks and probably getting drunk afterwards.

(Author's note : don't worry about this two idiots, it's gonna be ok.)