Once Around the Carousel

Chapter Twenty-One

Linda slept soundly all morning. When she finally awoke, she found Sharon's note, not Sharon, lying in her bed. Still snarfulled under the covers, the note spread a warm morning smile across her face. It welcomed Linda back to the world and assured her how much Sharon loved her. It felt good to be back. She woke up with a clear mind and heart for the first time in weeks. Questions still fluttered about; questions about her family and her own life. They always would. The difference now, she accepted those questions and the deaths of her brother and mother at face value; the way she had unquestioningly accepted so many other parts of her life.

By the late afternoon, wanting to relive her father's reaction from the night before, she searched the kitchen for something to make for dinner. She knew Saturdays in Sears Home Furnishings Department were busy. He usually arrived home tired, and having dinner almost ready for him would be a treat. By the time he walked in the door, she'd baked two potatoes and heated up her favorite vegetable, Stouffer's corn scuffle. She'd also defrosted and prepared a small steak, slathering it in butter, Accent, Lawry's salt, and pepper, leaving it on the counter waiting to go into the broiler. When Gloria cooked, her father always claimed to enjoy broiling steak. A claim derived from fear that Gloria might forget what she was doing and burn down the house.

They ate together at the kitchen table, happy to be in each other's company. Linda asked her father what he did at work that day, hoping to hear one of his funny stories about his customers. However, Ed only wanted to talk about her and her future. His daughter's maturity often amazed him; at the same time, he took it for granted. At 13, she spoke more intelligently than most adults he knew. Clearly, Metuchin couldn't hold her much longer, and he knew he couldn't either. Asking whether she'd been thinking about college, he said that he'd heard students like her sometimes went early.

Then, he said something that defined the change in their world. "If you see Mr. Dwight at the library sometime, you should ask him about colleges. He knows a lot more about where you should go than I do. Maybe you could even go to Harvard, where he works. Isn't that the best college in the country?" It came out as if talking about Titus were an everyday occurrence around the Stapelton dinner table. Linda gladly accepted the change.

After dinner, Linda insisted on cleaning up, telling her father he'd worked hard all day and should relax. She supposed that the kitchen, once her grandmother's, then her mother's, was hers. Eliza had all but said she and James were leaving to follow some rock band back to San Francisco. She suspected she might not see her sister again for a long time.

No, Linda thought, it would be just her and her father. She'd have to be the woman of the house - taking care of everything his wife should've done - keep the house clean and looking just so, cook his meals and clean his clothes. As she saw it, everything a man should want from his wife.

Linda brought a cup of Sanka and a couple of cookies into the living room, where Ed sat watching TV. She stayed with him for a little bit, then, when he'd finished his coffee, took his cup and went to finish tidying up. Taking the dishes from the drying rack and putting them away, she pondered on the irony of Fate placing her, not Sharon, in this role.

With everything done in the kitchen, Linda kissed her father goodnight and went upstairs. She wanted to call Sharon but didn't. She knew they wouldn't be allowed to talk with Sharon's father having just come home, and she didn't want to get Sharon in trouble.

For close to two months, Linda had used meditation to punish herself. Now feeling like herself again, she craved the bliss it could provide. She didn't exactly understand that what she wanted to do was travel to the Sea of Souls. Linda's Earthly self merely identified she could have any experience she chose during her meditation. And having sorted through her life, she felt deserving of the euphoria she knew she'd return with.